Tuesday, October 13, 2009

So many thoughts, too much time on my hands

NOW I GET IT!! I used to complain about the way we communicated, of course now I get it. If it weren't for this blogging thing the last few days I would be going crazy not being able to express myself. Im different in the fact that I share everything the second it enters my mind.. He lets is kind of marinate and simmer awhile before putting it out there. Im too impatient most of the time. I need that instant gratification?? One thing I noticed is that If I blog the moment a situation arises or happens I have a HUGE amount of anger in me.. Im a vindictive nasty bitch. BUT, If I let it simmer I then start scaling back and making things "nicer".. Whats the right way to go here? Say whats on your mind at that very moment? or type it save it and revisit it later?
Its a hard question to answer because in a face to face conversation there are no "go backs", you arent supposed to go to bed angry, etc etc... But the more I think about it the more this blogging thing makes sense. BUT then are we being our true authentic self if we arent expressing our GUT feelings?? IM SO CONFUSED

There are so many things I learned from him in such a short amount of time.. He continues to wow me (and sometimes confuse me) with his Facebook posts. Hes really intelligent. Today I even had to email a friend and ask them.. what did that mean??

Why cant we see things clearly when were "in the situation" why is hindsight always 20/20.. It helps to write about this stuff and it hurts at the same time.. Ive cried a little bit, but I haven't had that really big cry, I think Im afraid of having it, Im afraid of where it may lead me? I just have one more client today and then a friend is coming over tonight to help me sort through my feelings. I hope hes ready for a big ol cry baby.. Ive been really down today, not just with the relationship situation, but everything.. Im starting to really hate my job.. I wanna go work at Baja Bettys and not have a care in the world, I have so many people depending on me all the time, its alot of stress.. Clients need me NOW, 2 different landlords need $ NOW.. Too much stress and pressure for me.. I gotta make a change
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