NOW I GET IT!! I used to complain about the way we communicated, of course now I get it. If it weren't for this blogging thing the last few days I would be going crazy not being able to express myself. Im different in the fact that I share everything the second it enters my mind.. He lets is kind of marinate and simmer awhile before putting it out there. Im too impatient most of the time. I need that instant gratification?? One thing I noticed is that If I blog the moment a situation arises or happens I have a HUGE amount of anger in me.. Im a vindictive nasty bitch. BUT, If I let it simmer I then start scaling back and making things "nicer".. Whats the right way to go here? Say whats on your mind at that very moment? or type it save it and revisit it later?
Its a hard question to answer because in a face to face conversation there are no "go backs", you arent supposed to go to bed angry, etc etc... But the more I think about it the more this blogging thing makes sense. BUT then are we being our true authentic self if we arent expressing our GUT feelings?? IM SO CONFUSED
There are so many things I learned from him in such a short amount of time.. He continues to wow me (and sometimes confuse me) with his Facebook posts. Hes really intelligent. Today I even had to email a friend and ask them.. what did that mean??
Why cant we see things clearly when were "in the situation" why is hindsight always 20/20.. It helps to write about this stuff and it hurts at the same time.. Ive cried a little bit, but I haven't had that really big cry, I think Im afraid of having it, Im afraid of where it may lead me? I just have one more client today and then a friend is coming over tonight to help me sort through my feelings. I hope hes ready for a big ol cry baby.. Ive been really down today, not just with the relationship situation, but everything.. Im starting to really hate my job.. I wanna go work at Baja Bettys and not have a care in the world, I have so many people depending on me all the time, its alot of stress.. Clients need me NOW, 2 different landlords need $ NOW.. Too much stress and pressure for me.. I gotta make a change
1 comment:
I've totally felt this communication block and is something with which I've struggled too. I wanted instant gratification always in my relationships. I hated when my boyfriends would need 'time to cool down' or 'time to think' because I always wanted to talk and talk and talk and say everything that popped into my head until somehow that ended in us being ok again. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't. A lot of them told me that my way was rather immature and I still don't know whether I should take that as constructive criticism or defend my right to be me. This is my current analysis, however:
When I talk and ramble and don't want to stop fighting/talking/arguing it's because I myself am trying to work through everything in my head. As I talk, my thoughts become more organized as I try to argue my points. This reminds me of a very helpful technique I learned from a psychology professor long time ago. He told me that the most effective way of dealing with problems comes from organizing the mind. He recommended that a person spend an hour writing about a problem for three consecutive days. Simply write about the same problem again and again for three days. He promised that the writing would always develop something of a narrative as the person became more and more aware of the structure of the problem. As soon as the narrative formed, the mind is no longer confused and the order calms you down IMMENSELY. The truth is we're most upset by things we don't fully understand. If we feel like we have a grasp on things, we feel really ok even in the face of seriously difficult challenges.
So back to you: the middle ground is the way to go. If you organize your thoughts and anger, you will still have the structure in place and know what needs to address, but you'll do so in a calmer way. Now that I wrote so much I might as well write my own blog entry using this haha.
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