Friday, October 30, 2009

Fun Zone

For years I was the life of the party, I was always happy, always had a smile on my face. People REALLY enjoyed being around me. My answering machine was always full. Slowly over the past few years that's all changed. I turn down social invites, Id rather stay home alone.. I'll stand in the back of the room instead of front and center like before.

I realized tonight that the end of the fun becomes a major bummer for me. I was having a great time tonight, but I needed to get home and get some rest for my busy day tomorrow. As soon as I left the bar I got SO DOWN. Yesterday I was hanging out with a friend, we had lunch, he helped me move a few things, i was doin alright but as soon as I was getting ready to take him home my mood crashed HARD.

The fun used to never end for me so I guess i never had the "let down". I get so depressed when I realize the fun is over and I have to go back to being alone.. Maybe thats why I turn down invites? If there's no high there will be no low?

Ive always been so independent, but right now the thought of being alone paralyzes me. Im sitting here at home now SO LOW, how does this happen so quickly?? What can I do to change this? The contradictions in my mood from moment to moment are so confusing to me..
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