Monday, August 17, 2009

Thoughts on Big Brother

Today at lunch Cheri asked me if I was watching Big Brother yet.. Hell no!! But it got me to thinking How long do you think I would last on Big Brother?? it took her about .5 seconds to say 4 days..
WHAT? 4 days?? oh no no no I am much more manipulative, conniving and devious than she gives me credit for.
I am one of those that takes my time to circle my prey for awhile before I attack, so i guess I would have to charm the girls and try to convince the guys the girls wanted them..basically the pimp for all the heteros OR maybe just offer the boys contraband booze so they wouldn't kick my homo ass out of there too soon? In any case I dont think I would last too long.. some of those challenges they ask the house mates to do? Miss Chen? Bitch please i dont have energy for those reindeer games just to get HOH?? whatever why would I want a room all to myself when I could share a room with all the guyz?

So then my bumper car brain starts to wonder.. why doesnt Logo Channel have a gay Big Brother type show? OK again .5 seconds Cheri says are you kidding?? all those queens would kill each other week one.. then she states the more realistic answer... because it would just turn into one big orgy. So again I ask why doesnt Logo have a gay Big Brother type show? and where do I sign up??

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Yoga Virgin

Everybody should try yoga at least once, I cant imagine not doing it at least once a week now. I wasn't always excited about the idea I had so many excuses as to why I couldn't go; I'm not very limber, I don't have the right outfit, I don't like lookin dumb, I don't know what kind of yoga i should try, I'm too busy, I'm afraid Ill rip a fart in the middle of class, blah blah blah.. My dear friend Joseph finally "tricked" me into going to yoga with him and I haven't been the same since. He took me to an intermediate class and I thought OK ill just sit in back and do the stuff i can, and sit back and watch the rest... Oh no, this wasn't high school English, Joseph put me right in the front row dead center in front of the instructor.

It was sink or swim now, the instructor knew i was a virgin so she kept an eye on me and would come over to help me as needed. I realized this was pretty easy, hell Ive been doing the downward facing dog pose for years I just didn't know what its proper name was. Ive always been told it was called doggy style. OKAAAY!?!?!?

There are a few different components to yoga and I'm still working on getting them all in sync with each other. The stretching comes pretty easy, mentally you have to focus on..well basically nothing. Try to focus on nothing, its not that easy. My mind is always racing 99 miles an hour. The part of yoga I'm still not anywhere near mastering is "finding the light in the center of my heart" OK I ain't usually into no hocus pocus, voodoo bullshit, but after feeling the wonderful effects of yoga so far, I'm definitely open to the idea of a light in my heart, mine will probably be a strobe light. Woo Woo!!! (its a gay thing) The most important component in Yoga is breathing, we tend to hold our breath while doing something difficult, or while learning something new and trying to sync all these things together can be difficult. There is a lot of reprogramming of our regular daily breathing that can and should happen. Surprising as it is, almost none of us use the full capacity of our respiratory system, this is intensified by our lazy ass lifestyles and can lead to several issues that we popularly call "lifestyle disorders" - bullshit words meant to sound like major medical problems.

Ive made pretty good progress since i started yoga, yesterday as the instructor walked through class "checking our work" I got two "VERY NICE" and one "GOOD KURT" from the instructor. I looked over at Joseph and he was struggling with something that I received a "VERY NICE" for. Hmmm that's too bad, I just threw my head back and laughed.. I'm the Alpha Yoga Male I guess leaving the less limber and less balanced in my aura dust..

The way I feel after a yoga class is a feeling I have never had before and it doesn't just last a couple hours, it lasts a couple of days. I have lots and lots of energy, my mind is clear and its slowed down to 45 MPH instead of the usual 99 MPH, my body feels so light and almost waif like (apparently yoga makes you delusional too) Just after a few classes I have become much more limber.. Yeah boys i can do much more than before I started yoga.. bring on the freaky sex!!

I'm very excited for Monday, Ill be going to a new yoga class outdoors in Coronado, sounds like heaven, hopefully some of those navy seals stationed there will be at class to help me with my downward doggy style pose.