Sunday, November 22, 2009

Flakey Jake

So this is a little weird for me to be writing a blog about someone I dont know very well. This kid Jake was first brought to my attention by my ex Gooster. Its a friend of his, however the majority of the time we dated the ex didnt really have too many good things to say about Jake, as a matter of fact his nick name is IS FLAKEY JAKE. The ex has written many blogs about this guy, both positive and negative.

Hes a young kid thats in the military, hes on a gay(ish) rugby team here in town. Now before you all think I am throwin his business out in the street you should know that ALL of this info is on his public facebook profile so im not disclosing anything he hasnt made public already.

On 2 different occasions Jake made plans with us to hang out.. Once for the beach which he flaked on simply by not returning messages left for him. the other for the movies which he flaked out on about an hour before the movie started.. Not even having the balls or decency to cancel with the ex.. He canceled via another friend.

On 3 different occasions I had sent Jake friend requests on Facebook.. 2 of those times was during the period of time I was dating Gooster the other when things were a little rocky, yet still I was extending the olive branch All 3 requests were denied.

So now the point of this blog post.. Jake seems to have a temper or something. On 3 different occasions Jake has "gone off" on me on other peoples Facebook page. The first 2 times were on Goosters page. Now I dont remember the first one exactly, but the second time Gooster said I deserved it.. OK FINE I disagree but whatever.. After the second time Jake was being a bitch to me on FB i saw him out at Bear night.. I asked him how his event that night went and he replied to me kindly.. I thought things were ok with him and I.. The next day a mutual friend even said he mentioned I was nice to him the night before.

The third time was clearly Jakes being a little bitch. A mutual friend had posted this. "can't help but feel a little bit negative right now. going to sleep it off soon" I clicked the like button for this.. in my mind I was liking the fact that this friend was gonna sleep off the negativity. in JAKES mind this was his reply.

Jake Bxxxxxxx: really, you like that he is feeling negative? go overdose in an alley or something.

OK I could end this blog right now and most people would understand why this kid has pissed me off so much.. BUT NO.. it gets better..

Tonight at the Hole Jake was there with Gooster. If you have been following along you know that Gooster and I are doing OK.. My friends are happy with that and our mutual friends seem to be comfortable being around both of us. For some reason Jake cant seem to pull his head out of his ass to be cordial. AGAIN i was nice and said hello only to be greeted with a smug and arrogant attitude from Jake RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS FRIEND. well i had enough of his attitude. I simply said REALLY JAKE? you cant pretend to be nice? His reply was "NO everyone knows Im not a nice person." COOL!! Im so glad you decided to verify the fact that you are an ass!

Shortly after that I received a very nice text message from someone that was nearby the situation. he just told me he was remaining neutral to the situation and basically i should let it roll of my back (my words not his) but you get the idea. I was SOOOO impressed by this persons message. I hope I get an opportunity to have a conversation with him sometime soon.

I turned away from him and walked away shortly after that.. The look of embarrassment on Goosters face (whether caused by me or Jake) was painful to see.
I sent Gooster a text apologizing for him having to see that although it was inevitable. a few mins later I went up to Gooster and apologized as well. He started to comment by saying I dont wanna... I cut him off and said I dont expect a reply I am simply wanted to say sorry. At hat time I told him i was leaving and going to Pecs.

Well I got to Pecs and who was there? Yep.. both of them. No worries Gooster and our friend Jeffrey hung out a bit and talked. But when Jake came around the little bitch kept tryin to stare me down.. OH HELL NO!! Luckily Gooster caught on and they went inside.. Jeffrey and I left shortly after that.. Gooster came up and gave me a hug goodbye.. Hes a good guy.. God knows what he is doing hanging around with Jake, I guess thats thing thing about friendships, there's more to it than everyone may know. I hope Jakes behavior doesn't reflect poorly on Gooster, but when you announce to everyone around you that you are not a nice person, people are gonna start avoiding you when you are out.

But really what the fuck is Jake's deal? does he not care how his friend feels? Why would you go off on somebody's friend on their facebook page?? Gooster and I are getting along.. why would u be a bitch and make things uncomfortable for your friend? I have my thoughts on this.. but i think Ill leave my opinions to myself.. Ive only given you the facts in this blog.. we will leave it at that

Friday, November 20, 2009

What can I say?? What havent I said?

I think Im figuring some things out.

This morning I woke myself up calling out someones name.. I was actually having a weird dream, somehow he had set his blog up to accept voice comments and yes I still read his blog so i thought id leave a comment for him. I kept saying " _____ Im scared" I kept repeating it over and over until I woke myself up saying it.. I wasnt screaming or yelling I was pretty calm.

Ive lashed out at him a lot recently. Im realizing why.

I made a MAJOR life change at the same time our relationship ended, so not all of my anger that I have directed towards him is really even about him. Its about me being scared out of my fucking mind. Its so easy to blame everything on someone else, its a cowardly way but its what I did. Hell ive lost track of time now I think weve maybe been broken up longer than we even dated. Hes a really good guy and that didnt help. LOL You know what I mean.. You want the person to be an asshole so you can move on.. He could be the biggest asshole in the world and I would still miss him, because he reminds me of a time I felt good.. My business was still open, he and I had fun together and I was doin alright.. I was getting by. Now I dont even have $ to pay my rent.. Im struggling and not making it at all. So of course I long for thwe days that I felt good, and most recently that was with him. In my mind he is the one preventing me from feeling good again.. So I lash out in anger.

Ive been lashing out at him because Im scared and he isnt there to make me feel better.. or so I thought..But he is there for me. Ive just pushed him so far away.. I thought that Ive pushed him so far that we may never be friends again. So once again im gonna throw his business out there for everyone to know.. Hes been so supportive the last few days. I honestly dont know what I would have done without him. He isnt quite the person I would call in the middle of the night, although a couple nights ago I was tempted, I held back.

His friends probably wonder why he doesnt hate me.. Well if you wonder that then you probably dont really know him at all. You will probably never know the reasons he is even talking to me right now but ill just say compassion and concern are two of the qualities he holds that allow him to not hate me. Ive disappointed him and angered him and Im sure he has had his moments of nearly hating me..anyway I cant or wont speak for him.

If you are his friend on Twitter or Facebook please dont give him any grief over this. I think Ive done enough of that to last a lifetime. Instead give him a "virtual" hug for me. He deserves it. While youre at it I could use some hugs too

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Get your daily dose of Crazy right here

I try to understand how some people like to rip on others just for pleasure? Does it make them feel better? I mean really, there are people that are publicly following my blog that never comment on it here, but on Twitter and other places they rip on me or as you saw in the previous blog they will throw shit out there to me on Twitter.

I dont follow (most of) these peoples Twitter accounts nor am I friends with them on Facebook, so how do I find out what they are saying? Not too difficult to figure out.
Faggots can be cruel, they LOVE to tell everyone what they know, some have such HUGE insecurities that they feel like it makes them important or something to be the one to know "everything". So the VERY people you are having a conversation with about me on Twitter may very well be the same person telling me everything thats going on. Whether I like it or not. I think people believe they are doin me a favor by letting me know what people are saying... So here it is.. It doesnt help.

The ex recently deleted 40-50 of our mutual friends from his FB account. The funny think is he didnt delete the people that are telling me what he or his friends are doin and saying!! Just my luck, CLASSIC, FML... choose one.

The stuff that I write here comes from my hurt, pain, confusion, my insecurities, etc. Where does your need to rip on me come from? Do you have anything constructive to say?

I know Cory doesnt talk to people about me (too much), his closest friends tell me they dont even have private conversations about stuff. So im sure he didnt tell any of his friends what he went through with me a couple weeks ago. How he "talked me down off a ledge". So you throw that word crazy around all you want.. Nobody will be able to hold me down and "knock the crazy out of me". Did you miss the blog where I said I was on anti-depressants? And your gonna call me crazy? WOW thats cold, and heartless.. the word PATHETIC comes to mind too.

That is hurtful and harmful, and for what reason? REALLY, WHAT REASON?
Just for fun? In the middle of the day for NO apparent reason other than boredom lets read the crazy guys blog and laugh at him about it? NICE!

If my sadness and depression make you feel better about your lives Im glad I could help..

UPDATE! 4 hours AFTER I posted my blog he posts this.. If you read the comments he said it has nothing to do with me.. Does he think we are stupid? I mean REALLY? Hes already used the rabbit in the pot reference about me on Twitter a couple of times.. What an asshole!! Well then he goes on to say.. Well, part of it might have a twinge of you, not just you though, you aren't the first nor only "Stacy" in my life and you didn't inspire this post. We have since both deleted our comments on his blog.. which is for the best.. The person that I was mostly speaking of here has since un-followed my blog which is also a good thing.

Well let me just say if ya have a history in stalkers in your life you may wanna take a look at what YOU are doing to cause it. Cuz ya definitely aint all that!! So maybe JUST maybe YOU are the one that is dragging this out?? MAYBE??

Just A Dude Talking About Life: Watch Out For Stacy

Monday, November 9, 2009


“Watching you walk out of my life does not make me bitter or cynical about love. But
rather makes me realize that if I wanted so much to be with the wrong
person how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along.”

How can you not see what you do?

So last night I sent him a message on FB telling him I needed to remove him as a friend well here is what I sent

I think its best for me to delete you as a "friend" We are not good TO each other or good FOR each other.. Im too sensitive and your actions continue to hurt me. I hope one day things will change for you and I but for now this is whats best.

As long as I live I will always have a place in my heart for you Cory.

Good bye

I then sent him a text because I wanted him to read it right away before I removed him him because i wasnt sure if he would get the email after I removed him as a friend...So

i sent a text and he replied with.. OK have had you hidden since Wed for myself. Well first of all that's a lie because he had made comments on my page as late as Thursday. So maybe he hid it from the news feed but he was still reading it.. and secondly
REALLY? You felt the need to tell me that? WHY because it would make you feel better to have the upper hand? You had to have the final word? WHAT THE FUCK is that about? It was a hard decision for me and I thought I sent him a nice email about it, but he just had to turn it around and make me feel bad once again!!!

THAT is why I told him to forget he ever knew me.. Because I couldnt take him CONSTANTLY trying to knock me down so he would feel better about himself. I have a hard enough time makin myself feel OK I dont need to be anyone's emotional punching bag.

The dangers of online "personas"

You have to wonder why someone would hide behind a fake name on Facebook? I can understand using screen names on sex hook up sites like manhunt or Bear411 or whatever, but on FB you have the ability to decide who sees you. You can allow people to view everything or completely block someone from your account. So why the need for a screen name on FB? A few reasons perhaps... you dont want anyone to see the real you? You can say or do whatever you wish to and not truly be held accountable for it? You can be WHOEVER you want behind a screen name, and no one ever has to know the real you. THAT is a scary thought and it should have been a HUGE red flag to me. Is it a split personality? Maybe, Ive had another persona before but mine was REAL not a fictional character created for Facebook!! A nickname is understandable but having a different personality completely? Thats just strange. Just so you dont think I made this up here is an excerpt from a blog the ex wrote recently (see the link at the bottom for full story)

Gooster is just a part of me, a part that is portrayed on the internets. Though, through Twitter, Facebook, and here, you probably get a pretty good idea of who I am, there is still a part of me that I don't put out there. I am happy when I hear that people enjoy Gooster! He is a great guy, but not geared for real-world applications outside of social situations.

I say this because I met my ex and now friend on Facebook. We met, and of course, he met more Gooster than the whole me. I think he fell for Gooster. I can only compare it to falling in love with a clown, but the man underneath isn't what you expect.

So hes saying for the 9-10 weeks we dated I didnt get to know the real him? I wonder how that happened? Because he HID behind Gooster! XXXX is NOTHING like Gooster.. Gooster is fun, funny, playful. XXXX is none of those things.
I just hope he doesnt "entice" anyone else into his real life with by using his "fake" life. Thats just so unfair!

At one point Facebook was going to delete any account that didnt have a real name, because of the dangers associated with it.. I dont know what ever happened with that Im sure he does, he wrote a blog about that too.

Like I said before I put EVERYTHING out here for everyone to see. Its always the quiet ones you should be nervous of because you dont know where you stand with them.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

whoa whoa whoa Feelings

Ive been searching for something from someone I will NEVER get. Ive apologized to no end for my part of a situation, Ive taken my part of the blame. Things have been said in blogs like my own demons and fears probably played a bigger roll than I am currently willing to admit. I guess I was still waiting for the admission or the apology or owning up to some of the blame OR something. But its become clear to me I wont get that. The maybe and the probably remain just that.

Yesterday I was upset about something, my feelings were hurt. Instead of hearing the words that I hoped to hear I was told every which way why I was wrong for having the feelings I had. A simple Im sorry you feel that way or Im sorry you had to read that would have helped. But to tell someone their feelings are not valid is something that I have always said is just wrong to do.

Im still trying to please someone, to know I pleasured them, searching for their approval but its become obvious I never will. My friends last night made me realize Ive been beating this dead horse for weeks now.. They told me "IT AINT GONNA HAPPEN."

When I got home last night I saw this on Facebook
"Tired of talking common sense when people would rather waste their time rationalizing why it's never their responsibility than just focusing on fixing the problem."

You could have taken the words right out of my mouth. Thats exactly how I have been feeling about this situation. When 2 people are stubborn there will never be a "winner". Yesterday I threw my hands up and just said OK you're right, and the back and forth emails, etc stopped.

You CANNOT turn your feelings on and off, what you are really doing is just pushing them down and suppressing them until you blow up later, and to what degree will you explode? Ulcers, heart attack, stroke "going postal" or just general irritability are all things that happen to people that dont show their feelings AND that dont let love in their hearts. No thanks!!

I saw this on Twitter a few days ago.. I thought it was so funny but so true
"I like my feelings pushed down, compressed, so they come out at random & inappropriate times." Veronica - MERCY

I need to get my feelings out there, I dont wanna go postal on anyone or get ulcers like my Mother has had, and probably has now over seeing me go through all of this.

I dont mean to hurt anyone with this blog, Im putting it out there and if anyone reads it and is hurt by it, well I guess they "did it to themselves by choosing to read it". Or thats what Ive been told anyway

Just A Dude Talking About Life: Life Sucks! Get Over it!

Friday, November 6, 2009

One GIANT step back for me

I know life goes on, people move on..

I just read something that made me so incredibly sad..

I dont know what to about this, I knew this day would come but.

Just because its too soon for me doesnt mean it is for him.

I hate finding out about stuff like this, when Im sitting home alone.

I feel so stupid, Wednesday night I was tweeting about someone while they are definitely NOT thinking about me..

I feel so foolish, I thought todays FB "stuff" was good, some progress had been made, but it had nothing to do with me.

Wow, this hurts a lot, I cant imagine how I will feel if I see it in person, do I male other plans for Sunday now?

Just A Dude Talking About Life: Oops, Was That Out-loud?

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Guess who?

The NFL??

The NBA?

36 have been accused of spousal abuse

7 have been arrested for fraud

19 have been accused of writing bad checks

117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses

3 have done time for assault

71, I repeat, 71 Cannot get a credit card due to bad credit

14 have been arrested on drug-related charges

8 have been arrested for shoplifting

21 currently are defendants in lawsuits,


84 have been arrested for drunk driving, just in the last year!!!

Can You guess which organization it is?

Give up yet?


It's the sleaze you sent to Washington some of the 535 members of the United States Congress.

The same group of parasites that crank out hundreds of new laws each year,

designed to keep the rest of us in line.

Be sure you pass this on!

BTW They all have excellent Health Care paid for by you.

You may be interested to know that the quarterly earnings reports are out, and the health care insurance companies did very well. One company reported earnings of 1.3 BILLION dollars for the three months ending Sept 30th. That would be money they earned when they refused to pay the expense of their insured. How did an insurance company earning 5.2 billion dollars a year get between you and your doctor???

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Mariah is still crazy after all these years

This is my very FIRST blog way way back from April 2008, I dug it up from MySpace just because once again I'm so sick of seeing Mariah Carey on every damn show known to man.

I get it shes a great singer! But so is Barbra Streisand and you sont see her nose on TV every damn day. Leave us some mystery Marah, at this point I have no desire to hear your music or buy your dumb ass perfume. You are OVER EXPOSED!!!

I do want to go see the movie she is in that's coming out this week Precious, the thing is I didnt even recognize her when I first saw the previews. She looks like a NORMAL person.. alright alright enough bitching about Mariah.. I can feel my friends hair standing up on the back of his neck... well if he had hair it would be..


April 2008

Hey Bitches

Here it is my first blog, Im sure you aren't as excited as I am. I decided to finally do this blog thing because I have too many random thoughts goin on in my head all the time, and I'm sure my friends and clients get sick of hearin me go on about some of this useless information I have stockpiled in my brain.

Like I said useless, random information, observations, and senseless rambling is pretty much all this blog is gonna have.. OH WAIT how could I forget about my opinions.. I always have one and for all that know me already you know I'm usually right on with my opinions, if not I'm sure I can convince you through charm and bullshit that I am right.. Got it? cool.. lets do this..

What the fuck is up with Mariah Carey?? She is tryin so hard to convince us how much she has grown and emancipated herself!! The bitch is still crazy.. just a little thinner. It started with the Oprah show with MC taking us on a tour of her lingerie closet while what??? Dressed in lingerie fool!! This last week she was anywhere and everywhere on TV promoting her new ALBUM/CD/MP3 ?? what ever the fuck they call it these days.. anyway she is more concerned with posing for the camera and talkin about her new body than she is remembering the words to her own damn song..(Good Morning America) I was blown away by her on Live with Regis and Kelly...guuurrrlll she could not stop checkin her makeup and hair in the video monitor.. even commenting on it herself.. Then she lit up the Empire State Building in "her colors" blush and bashful.. oh wait thats Steel Magnolias. her colors are pink and lavender WHATEV!! so shes trying to stand next to this electrical box prop all and sexy and shit, but she couldn't flip the dang switch to turn on her lights since she was standing there propped and posed perfectly to show everyone how skinny she is. She hasnt grown that much since her days of rollin around in her bathtub on M TV's Cribs if ya ask me.. Now Im not saying her album ain't the shit.. cuz it is good... BUT Mariah needs to stay home a couple days this next week otherwise were gonna be sick of seeing the skinny bitch posing anywhere she can..

Monday, November 2, 2009

Saturday in the park probably not what you think

I have been avoiding writing about this because I know its gonna upset me but I gotta get it out. Saturday was SUCH an emotional day for me. I moved everything out of my "new" office and closed my business completely. Ok that was hard but I knew it was coming and I was able to deal with it OK.

The really emotional part was meeting up with "C" (the ex) for a chat. He let me talk and talk and talk, he let me cry, He was VERY supportive, and patient, there were a couple of times I know he was biting his tongue. I appreciated it. He told me a couple of things that were very hard to hear, but these things were very important for me to know and it really has helped me to understand why I react the way I do at times. Things are becoming crystal clear to me now. I wish I could go into it more, but its very personal stuff and I cant make it all public.

I asked him for 30 mins of his time that day, who was I kidding?? we talked for a couple of hours.. Like I said I did some crying during that time, but the worst of it was when we said goodbye. He gave me a hug and that sent me into a tale spin.. I walked away from him crying so hard I had to sit on the step of a house a couple doors down. I pulled myself together after a couple of minutes and walked across the street to the park where I cried some more.

Later that night was Nightmare on Normal Street (a Halloween street fair thing) I mentioned to him that I was going with Nicole (the host of event) and that if he wanted to meet us at the gate i could get him in free, blah blah blah. Well he did meet me there and I wasnt expecting it to be so difficult. He showed up alone and i kinda freaked out a bit, was he gonna hang out with me? I wasnt expecting him to and he knew that, but I didnt know what was goin on and every time i started to ask him what his plans were we would run into someone we knew. The confused looks on peoples faces just made me more upset. After he said hi to Nicole he went his way and I went mine and all is well.. I wasnt really in the greatest of moods that night. it was a tough day and I was tired. I went home and was back on the couch by 930.

Something that is helping me move on is the fact that Im finding out not as many people read "the blog" last weekend as I thought. People that I was certain had read it didnt even KNOW about it.. WHEW!! Thats making me feel better for sure

I still miss him greatly.. I miss the fun times, and I miss just hangin out with him
I cant take back the past and I cant live in the past, but now that our friendship is starting to heal I feel better about the future..