Ive been searching for something from someone I will NEVER get. Ive apologized to no end for my part of a situation, Ive taken my part of the blame. Things have been said in blogs like my own demons and fears probably played a bigger roll than I am currently willing to admit. I guess I was still waiting for the admission or the apology or owning up to some of the blame OR something. But its become clear to me I wont get that. The maybe and the probably remain just that.
Yesterday I was upset about something, my feelings were hurt. Instead of hearing the words that I hoped to hear I was told every which way why I was wrong for having the feelings I had. A simple Im sorry you feel that way or Im sorry you had to read that would have helped. But to tell someone their feelings are not valid is something that I have always said is just wrong to do.
Im still trying to please someone, to know I pleasured them, searching for their approval but its become obvious I never will. My friends last night made me realize Ive been beating this dead horse for weeks now.. They told me "IT AINT GONNA HAPPEN."
When I got home last night I saw this on Facebook
"Tired of talking common sense when people would rather waste their time rationalizing why it's never their responsibility than just focusing on fixing the problem."
You could have taken the words right out of my mouth. Thats exactly how I have been feeling about this situation. When 2 people are stubborn there will never be a "winner". Yesterday I threw my hands up and just said OK you're right, and the back and forth emails, etc stopped.
You CANNOT turn your feelings on and off, what you are really doing is just pushing them down and suppressing them until you blow up later, and to what degree will you explode? Ulcers, heart attack, stroke "going postal" or just general irritability are all things that happen to people that dont show their feelings AND that dont let love in their hearts. No thanks!!
I saw this on Twitter a few days ago.. I thought it was so funny but so true
"I like my feelings pushed down, compressed, so they come out at random & inappropriate times." Veronica - MERCY
I need to get my feelings out there, I dont wanna go postal on anyone or get ulcers like my Mother has had, and probably has now over seeing me go through all of this.
I dont mean to hurt anyone with this blog, Im putting it out there and if anyone reads it and is hurt by it, well I guess they "did it to themselves by choosing to read it". Or thats what Ive been told anyway
Just A Dude Talking About Life: Life Sucks! Get Over it!