Monday, November 2, 2009

Saturday in the park probably not what you think

I have been avoiding writing about this because I know its gonna upset me but I gotta get it out. Saturday was SUCH an emotional day for me. I moved everything out of my "new" office and closed my business completely. Ok that was hard but I knew it was coming and I was able to deal with it OK.

The really emotional part was meeting up with "C" (the ex) for a chat. He let me talk and talk and talk, he let me cry, He was VERY supportive, and patient, there were a couple of times I know he was biting his tongue. I appreciated it. He told me a couple of things that were very hard to hear, but these things were very important for me to know and it really has helped me to understand why I react the way I do at times. Things are becoming crystal clear to me now. I wish I could go into it more, but its very personal stuff and I cant make it all public.

I asked him for 30 mins of his time that day, who was I kidding?? we talked for a couple of hours.. Like I said I did some crying during that time, but the worst of it was when we said goodbye. He gave me a hug and that sent me into a tale spin.. I walked away from him crying so hard I had to sit on the step of a house a couple doors down. I pulled myself together after a couple of minutes and walked across the street to the park where I cried some more.

Later that night was Nightmare on Normal Street (a Halloween street fair thing) I mentioned to him that I was going with Nicole (the host of event) and that if he wanted to meet us at the gate i could get him in free, blah blah blah. Well he did meet me there and I wasnt expecting it to be so difficult. He showed up alone and i kinda freaked out a bit, was he gonna hang out with me? I wasnt expecting him to and he knew that, but I didnt know what was goin on and every time i started to ask him what his plans were we would run into someone we knew. The confused looks on peoples faces just made me more upset. After he said hi to Nicole he went his way and I went mine and all is well.. I wasnt really in the greatest of moods that night. it was a tough day and I was tired. I went home and was back on the couch by 930.

Something that is helping me move on is the fact that Im finding out not as many people read "the blog" last weekend as I thought. People that I was certain had read it didnt even KNOW about it.. WHEW!! Thats making me feel better for sure

I still miss him greatly.. I miss the fun times, and I miss just hangin out with him
I cant take back the past and I cant live in the past, but now that our friendship is starting to heal I feel better about the future..
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