Sunday, October 18, 2009

Its been 7 days 8 hours

Ill certainly be happy when things change, I'm tired of feeling sad and lonely the moment I open my eyes. I went to a Birthday Party last night and I tried to have fun, but I don't think I succeeded because 2 people came up to me and told me to smile. I don't know what my problem is, I know hes out having lots of fun this weekend and I'm truly happy he is, I'm just a little jealous that I'm not able to get over this hump too. I'm trying to figure out if he is truly the reason I am sad or if its everything that happened this week at once. I REALLY miss his company, and cuddling with him. It seemed like all my worries would disappear when he was here with me, maybe that's what I miss?
I set my alarm clock 10 minutes earlier than he needed to get up just to ensure some cuddle time before he left to go to work. Maybe I need to change the alarm now that hes gone.. That maybe the reason I think of him as soon as I wake up. I guess its probably time to throw away his toothbrush too. I haven't even put the dishes away that he did last weekend. I keep seeing reminders of him everywhere... The hardest was the "note" he wrote on my whiteboard and he wrote (dont erase) next to it!! Damn am I trying to hold on to something still or what?

My RT friends and Facebook friends are very supportive, I wish I was able to move on a little faster, I'm doing my best, and I'm really sorry if you all are tired of reading all my depressing posts. Just feel thankful you are just READING them and not FEELING them like I am.
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