Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Like a buoy in a storm

Ya know those things that are out in the ocean, at the opening of a bay or harbor.
They bounce up and down in the water, during a storm they can sometimes become totally submersed, and pop right back up. Thats what I feel like each day with my moods. Up and down, up and down, up and down. Its more down than up. The newspapers are piled up for 3 weeks now, the sink is full of dishes, i havent slept in my bed for over a week, at first it was because a big bed is too lonely, now its because all my clean clothes are piled on top of it and I cant get to it.

The ONLY thing I do take care of is the cat. I feed him and clean his litter box and I love him. I think he realizes I am sad because he lays on the couch with me whenever Im down, hes not sure what to think of the crying though, he runs in the other room and just stares at me.

I have to pull it together somehow, I need a job, I know once I feel like I have some purpose Ill feel better, I'll clean my house, Ill do the dishes. Its hard not having anything to look forward to each day. Maybe thats why I get the morning blues. When you wake up and your lying on the couch you realize.. wow this is all im gonna be doing today, and Im already doing it. Thats nothing to be excited about. Whats the point?

Maybe someday Ill find someone to date again. I doubt it will be anyone off Facebook, not after my meltdown there. Im sure everyone would be scared to go out with me now, no one is gonna wanna be the topic of one of my blogs. As you can see I am learning from my mistakes, I havent talked about anyone else in my blogs. Well except Joan Crawford and my cat, I dont think they mind though.
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