Another sad love song.

This isn't even a night I would normally see him but the thought of going home to my empty place right now is such a downer. Maybe its the thought of not being able to share the happenings of my day with him? Then that turns into the thought of never getting to cuddle with him again , or see him laugh, or even disagree with him. Why couldnt we work it out? Do I think im so fuckin important that I cant try just a little bit harder?

The thoughts of NEVER being able to share stuff with him again are bad enough but then my mind goes on to wonder if Ill ever have ANYONE to share stuff with at all. I keep "catching myself"before askin him if he wants to do something or go somewhere together. So many friends are commenting on how its cuddle weather right now and that depresses me greatly. But then the worst thoughts are yet to come.

The possibility of never having anyone to share the rest of my life with..and dying alone... That is a lot of pressure to put on someone, I wonder if he felt that pressure, I sure hope not. I know one night I dumped it on him.. I hope he knows that Im a little stronger than I was at that ONE moment. I, being vague but if he is reading this Im sure he remembers what Im talking about.

JESUS CHRIST why does my mind work like this? I wish I could just crawl into a hole until I felt like smiling again. Im glad the stereo in my car doesn't work.. I couldnt take another sad love song.

I just read on Facebook that a "casual" friend died over the weekend. We have such a short time here with each other. Why cant we just be all be happy with what we have and who we are with... The sadness in my heart right now is so overwhelming..



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