Tuesday, March 16, 2010

This and that

Yesterday was all in all a pretty good day, I went for a long walk in Balboa Park with my friend Jeffrey, we went to many areas of the park I never knew existed. I really do live in a beautiful city that I dont appreciate enough.

As usual Jeffrey and I chat about all sorts of stuff, but the first topic of conversation was of course Sunday night and how I reacted to Cory talking to me. If ya dont know what I am talking about read my blog from Sunday night HERE As I said, maybe Im not 100% ready to be "friends" yet OR maybe it just totally caught me off guard, I mean we havent talked in a long time and there has been some bitterness there so the fact that out of the blue he talks to me may have just been too "weird" for me. Time will tell, theres no time limitation or deadline on us being nice to each other, and it had to start somewhere. The balls in my court and next time I See him well see how it goes.

I dont know if its allergies from being in the park yesterday or if Im really just sick, but my nose is all stuffed up and running at the same time, my throat was sore this AM and I have a bit of congestion when I cough. Its terrible timing because today I am supposed to meet my new therapist, one of my Facebook friends said its probably just in my head because starting all over with a new therapist is NOT my idea of fun. I was just starting to make progress with the last one. Things have been so difficult for me since October, theres days that I wonder if I made the right choice by closing my salon and theres days I wish i would have made it over the other side of that bridge fence. Nothing is clear to me should I turn right or left? Leave the house or stay in for a couple of days. Was I always like this and just didnt see it because I was always so busy? Now that Im idle am I dwelling on everything? See there I go again.. No clear answers.

I was telling Jeffrey yesterday that I read the blog of someone that does this 5 for and 5 against thing. He does it a lot with movies where he will say 5 things negative about it and 5 positive. Im gonna try and start doing that with situations or experiences. I easily find the 5 bad things they just come to me naturally these days, I need to TRY and find the positive things. I wish they came to me first but they dont. I hate that about myself and I dont know where it comes from. Oh well

So I read these words on Cory's blog recently, normally when he quotes dead people I just roll my eyes. But these words really caught my attention. WOW I think Im making progress.. I dont want to say what I mean by that, some of you may understand..

No pessimist ever discovered the secret of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new doorway for the human spirit. - Helen Keller

Right now sailing to an uncharted land, seems too big for me, Id be happy just being able to get through a day without having a panic attack.
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