Sunday, March 14, 2010

My weekend/ Sunday (mostly) Funday

well fuck.... I should be writing about the entire weekend but Im goin directly to Sunday. It started out as a great day, I had a "date" with this cute guy I originally met back in July. weve seen each other one other time since then in January. Friday he called me and asked me if I wanted to go to church with him on Sunday. I was eager to see him again, but mostly eager to spend some time with someone other than just a "friend" Church was great, we went to Mission Gathering Christian Church in North Park. He had to work right after church so we didnt get to spend a whole lot of time together. After church I took my good friend Sister Iona Dubble-Wyde to Babycakes for his Birthday, after that we met a few friends at Baja Bettys for a drink.. Well that turned into Cheri meeting us and going to Urban Mos then the Hole... I guess Im fast forwarding through all the fun stuff that happened just to get to the part that upset me.. Here it is

I was havin a great time at the Hole despite the shirt I was wearing.. Guys were flirting with me, and this incredibly hot man that I met 10-12 years ago was talking and flirting with me and gave me his number again.. I guess everything went downhill when I started walking towards my friends and saw Cory standing and talking with them.. there was no anger or hurt there, just a little frustration because he and I arent on speaking terms. One of our last communications with each other he had said I didnt give him the space or distance he needed, so I obviously wasnt going to go interrupt the interaction he was having with my friends I came there with. So I kind of stepped back and stood off to the side, Thats when 2 of my friends started motioning for me to come over to them.. I resisted and they came over to me.. Blah Blah Blah.. Jeffrey told he He needed to tell me about a good conversation he had with Cory the night before.. FUCK I was stating to have an anxiety attack.. Cory walked over to some other friends and I proceeded to fall apart. I saw a friend across the bar that I wanted to say Hi to... BUT i didnt see that Cory was standing right behind him. OOOPS. Cory saw me and said something ??? I think he said Hi and asked how I was doing.. I said something to him.. I hope I was polite, I meant to be, Jesus Christ.. I didnt realize that I still had feelings for him til right then.. I fell apart after that.. We left shortly after that because I couldnt hold back the tears. This is the first time Im admitting this to anyone including myself. I guess Ive lashed out at him in the past because I was so hurt.. My past blog posts about his roommate have NOTHING to do with him... He and his roommate are two separate people and I dont hold Jakes actions against Cory in any way..I never have. Im a little embarrassed by admitting all of this, but I always am 100% honest in my feelings and thoughts in my blog. Im probably pushing Cory away a bit by saying all of this, but maybe I guess thats what I need right now. I thought I was ready to be friendly with him.. BUT maybe Im not.. FUCK more setbacks.. Every time I think Im taking a step forward im really taking 2 steps back.

When I post my status messages and tweets about how Im doing I really dont notice how sad or "down" I am....until I see people out and they are so concerned with how I am doing.. It feels nice that people are concerned but I hate that people feel like they need to walk on eggshells around me. I hope people treat me kindly because they like me, NOT because they feel sorry for me.
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