Ive had SOOOOO many friends sending me supportive emails the past few days. Half of them encouraging me not to let what others say about me get me down, and the other half telling me I have the strength to get through this set back of my therapist dying this past weekend. Lots of people have sent me their therapist name and number. Its truly amazing (and encouraging) how many people are in therapy.
Life isnt good, I try to put on a brave face and act like Im happy, but the truth is I am miserable, Im lonely, I want and desperately need a job, I let little things and little peoples actions effect me greatly. I never used to be like that.. I dont know what wore me down so greatly that Im so weak now, I guess part of me still doesnt care what people think of me otherwise I wouldnt put myself out there like I do in my blog. I need a distraction, one that pays me. A lot of my stress is from not having any money, wondering how Im gonna pay the bills. Its putting a huge amount of stress on my mother as well. Today I have to go apply for Medi-cal, I never thought I would be so broke that I need Government assistance. Maybe I should have a garage sale and start selling everything I dont NEED. Its funny how much you have that you dont really need when it comes down to it. I went from a life of spending money pretty much whenever I wanted to not having ANY money at all. I used to eat breakfast at the Cafe on the corner 3-5 times a week to now eating oatmeal for breakfast. Its been a very difficult change in my life
Im ready to snap again I can just feel it coming. If I dont feel better by Friday, Im afraid I may have to go back in the Hospital. For my own good