Saturday, December 5, 2009

What lead me to the hospital

Before you read this, please realize that these are my feelings and opinions based on this occasion.. Life is progressive, things and situations change. I could feel a certain way about someone in this blog but this was almost 2 weeks ago. Things have progressed and you will read about it in upcoming blogs.

On November 24th early in the morning I sent my ex an email, a very sweet and revealing email... well here it is:

I remember talking about how nice it would be when it got cold so we could really cuddle, Summer time was soo hot.

I hope u dont mind me sending you these emails.. sending them to you helps me keep it off facebook and twitter, although I did just tweet something about u.

I wish i didnt screw things up so bad, if I hadnt maybe we would soon be at a point where we could just cuddle together. If that is ever a possibility i would love it you know u are always welcome at my place.. if u ever are out and dont have a place to stay..
XXXX do you miss the good times at least? Do you miss me ever? I mean the "good" me?

Well, what he replied with had nothing to do with the email I sent him, but it was his feelings about the previous blog I wrote about his friend Jake that I wrote the day before.. He had plenty of opportunity to email me and dig into me like he did. But for some reason he chose to reply to me at a very weak and vulnerable moment.

I cant even begin to describe to you how I felt when i was reading this anger filled email from him.. I sort of blacked out. Tellin me the people around him asked who the crazy guy was after I was SCREAMING at Jake was definitely an exaggeration and very cruel of him to say. He said I approached Jake first and that is simply not true. I spoke to Jake first but Jake's attitude was thrown at me from a great distance long before I got near to them. When I spoke to Jake it was a simple Hello. The attitude grew even more. The boy is a Rugby Player in San Diego they dont have the best reputation for being all that respectful or friendly. ANYWAY A friend of mine AND the ex was standing right next to me when i "went off" on Jake and he agreed it was not nearly as bad as what the ex made it out to be in his email. He even went on to say "I myself don't know all the details, nor do I really want to." REALLY? you dont know the details but your gonna CHOOSE to go off on me anyway? priceless.. He went on to talk about how Jake is protective of him because of what I did to him? REALLY? you dont see my friends attacking Jake for making comparisons of me to Eeyore or telling me to go overdose in an alley or something.

It took 5 emails from me before the ex would even apologize for accusing me of sharing info about Jake that he thought was set to private on FB when it wasnt (It still is 100% public) Way to back a friend huh?

THEN he throws the attorney thing in my face again. In reality the only people that have anything to lose if an attorney got involved would be him and his friend Jake. The ex doesnt have a computer at home so 99% of his blogging, twittering and Facebooking is done from work, and a good portion of it would probably be considered inappropriate for the workplace. I know his boss knows hes on the internet to some degree because it was brought up once.

Anyway like I said I blacked out. Somehow I got it in my head that I was gonna hurt myself, a couple of friends from Twitter were so kind to me.. Texting me and Tweeting me trying to get me to call 911 or tell them where I was.

Im not gonna go into details as to what I tried to do but there was a point when I realized I was "out of my mind" and I called my Dr.

He advised me to go to the emergency room, and thats what I did. I gotta stop for now.. Im starting to get a little upset right now..

Time to take a walk
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