Saturday, December 19, 2009

Hard decision

Well I made a decision yesterday to go back to the hospital. There wasnt one thing that triggered it this time, it was a week filled with ups and downs (mostly down), the realization that my medication isnt working, and a revelation of what I think my depression stems from. (see the cliff note version here)---> ALONE I have been seeing a therapist and unfortunately I dont think they are able to give me the care I need in a timely manner. The medication I have been on since October 22nd has not worked yet.

I dont know why, but there is one person I was hoping to hear from that hasnt contacted me yet. I have sent emails, text messages, asked mutual friends to ask him to call me, etc. Im not looking for him to fix something, just a little encouragement to give me the boost that I need to do this. Last time I went to the hospital he thought that it would be best to cut of all communication with me because i needed to fix myself, and there was nothing he could do to help me. WELL I understand where hes coming from but does he understand where Im coming from? Im thinking that last idea didnt work very well and it maybe time to try something else.
I know hes got some major problems right now too, but all im asking is for a few words and best case scenario a hug before I go to the hospital. I dont expect anyone to fix me but me, but with out the support and encouragement from those close to you cant begin the journey to fix yourself.

If you know him please encourage him to contact me.. Its probably not gonna be able to happen today before I go to hospital, so he will be off the hook on the hug part.
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