Well I made a decision yesterday to go back to the hospital. There wasnt one thing that triggered it this time, it was a week filled with ups and downs (mostly down), the realization that my medication isnt working, and a revelation of what I think my depression stems from. (see the cliff note version here)---> ALONE I have been seeing a therapist and unfortunately I dont think they are able to give me the care I need in a timely manner. The medication I have been on since October 22nd has not worked yet.
I dont know why, but there is one person I was hoping to hear from that hasnt contacted me yet. I have sent emails, text messages, asked mutual friends to ask him to call me, etc. Im not looking for him to fix something, just a little encouragement to give me the boost that I need to do this. Last time I went to the hospital he thought that it would be best to cut of all communication with me because i needed to fix myself, and there was nothing he could do to help me. WELL I understand where hes coming from but does he understand where Im coming from? Im thinking that last idea didnt work very well and it maybe time to try something else.
I know hes got some major problems right now too, but all im asking is for a few words and best case scenario a hug before I go to the hospital. I dont expect anyone to fix me but me, but with out the support and encouragement from those close to you cant begin the journey to fix yourself.
If you know him please encourage him to contact me.. Its probably not gonna be able to happen today before I go to hospital, so he will be off the hook on the hug part.
1 comment:
Kurt:
You don't know me, but I've had you on my Twitter feed for a while. I've tried to engage you a few times, but there hasn't been any reply.
Just the same I've been watching your struggles with depression the last few weeks, and it parallels everything I suffered through years ago.
My partner of 10+ years was killed by a drunk driver - oddly ironic in that both he and I are recovering alcoholics. The loss of Richard and the breaking of my heart sent me into a huge depression - complete with a suicide attempt, hospitalizations, and a fistfull of medications that was supposed to make me all better.
But it didn't.
Getting out of bed was excruciating, and having to try and pick up the pieces of my life after Richard was too much to bear most days. Weekly therapy appointments and enough medication to sedate an elephant only left me depressed and stoned. And reaching for the razor blade.
Slowly, the right combinations of medication and therapy got me back on track and my depression has been held at bay for the last 5 years. Life isn't all peaches, rainbows and puppy dogs but at least now it's not impacting every facet of my being.
I applaud your efforts and realistic approach to your depression. In addition to that putting it out on a public venue takes alot of guts. Take some comfort in knowing there probably is somebody on the web or Twitter that is getting strength from your sharing.
Life will get better for you. I don't know how, when, or what the magic bullet will be. But - it will :)
Daniel
@sayencrowolf on Twitter.
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