Monday, May 3, 2010

Round two

The only thing I can figure out why ny old "BFF" is mad at me AGAIN is that I kept a secret from her to "protect" her, as did two other friends of ours. When the secret came out I was the bad guy.. I wasn't told why she is mad at me this time. So im left to figure it out on my own and that's all I can come up with.

Last week she was mad at me because on Monday I turned down a makeup job she asked me to do and on Tuesday the day my Doctor suggested I go back into the hospital I didn't want to talk with her about it. Either reason in my mind are very selfish reasons to be MAD at someone else. I can understand frustrated and I can understand fed up, but do those things really constitute her then ignoring me and telling me she has nothing to say to me when I ask her why she isn't replying to me? Because I didn't live up to her expectations I am the bad guy? (see last blog post if you are confused)

Because of my depression and being "down" I didn't quite have it in me to do a makeup job, plus I no longer have my own makeup kit, it was stolen a few years ago. I sometimes use a friends makeup kit when I do someones drag makeup but the tools and makeup are not of the "caliber" i need to do makeup for a commercial. You need a certain type of foundation, proper colors, etc etc. Is the commercial video or film because its different for each of those too. A drag queens (a non PRO drag queen) makeup kit would hardly fill the bill for this job. Secondly its not really easy being creative when you are depressed either. I actually found this article on dealing with depression as an artist. Read it here The makeup job was originally scheduled for Friday and I was actually feeling fine on Friday, but there was no way for me to know that. But as I said, without the proper tools the job may not have come out too well. Is that a price your willing to pay for a client?

Yesterday I was having a great time with my friend John. we met up with "C" after she went to the Hole with another friend. Things were going great, but I guess this is where I stop writing about what happened. As I said in my Facebook status last night, I'm not afraid of looking foolish to people because I am going to keep someone elses "secrets" to myself. I don't feel like I have to tell you everything about "C" or what happened yesterday so that you will have the full story just so I am justified. I am very comfortable with my position in this situation. ESPECIALLY based on the "last" reason she was mad at me, and what she said to me after John dropped us off. I can only assume that this one was just as selfish. When I wrote my blog yesterday saying our friendship was over and I have no regrets I should have listened to myself, I should have left it at that.

Sadly most of us put expectations on our friends, we expect them to be sensitive to our feelings, our ups and downs, our mistakes, etc etc. When they don't meet our expectations do we get angry at them? Do we stop talking to them? Ignore them when we see them out? Or do we tell them why we are upset? I guess it would depend on the "severity" of the issue. If my depression is so severe that my friends get "mad" at me well then Ill take the blame. Its just easier that way
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