Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Realizations

I havent blogged for awhile for many reasons.. #1 Ive been feeling really good lately, #2 the few things that are bothering me are mostly about people I have or am building friendships with and I dont want to embarrass them.

I was talking with my friend Dan yesterday and he mentioned that my spirits seemed to be up lately and I would have to agree. I have been keeping myself very busy lately, going to Balboa Park, visiting the museums, fun stuff! Of course Ive been goin to Baja Bettys and the usual haunts but not as much. I havent been drinking as much either, it just hasnt had too much of an appeal, and at times it actually makes me physically ill and I'll have to go to the bathroom and puke. The other reason I think I have been doing so well is that I have not been hangin out with people that have a negative influence on me or that just drain me, sometimes you dont realize how draining someone can be on you until you are no longer around them.

My bff and I havent hung out for a couple of weeks, and at times I feel like I should feel sad about this, but the truth is I dont... I havent tried to replace her with anybody or anything, Ive just been livin my life and its been pretty good. We were friends for about 10 years, she was very young when we met (21 or 22) and I was about 30, and I think maybe we have just grown apart. Emotionally she isnt someone I can really go to for support because.. well shes a girl and she gets very emotional. I need someone strong and experienced to help me through situations and give me advice, and at this stage in my life I think I have just outgrown her. You can only stretch out the fun times so long, you need new experiences and situations to build on, and us hangin out at a gay bars just isnt doin it anymore. Im 41 years old, been there done that.

My life experiences have been more than most of my friends, and its hard to find one person to go to for support that has the kind of experiences that I have had in my life. I gotta give props to Gooster for a great piece of advice he gave me a couple months ago, well actually he just told me something that works for him and Ive been trying to apply it, Anyway what he told me was instead of depending on one or two people for support, find out what each of your friends strengths are and go to them as needed, that way you dont wear anyone out to soon. I have kind of realized that I was the ONE person my old bff went to all the time and I think I just got worn out.

I posted a Facebook status last week that said something like To all my friends that are delusional but aware of what their issues are I LOVE YOU, to those that are delusional but not aware of their issues or problems I love you too just not as often. Thats really proven to be effective for me. I have a friend that lets say STRETCHES the truth quite often, hell sometimes he just right out lies, the only thing I can figure is that he does this for attention? Thats OK we all have our "stuff" but I have learned I cant trust anything he says, and I spend much less time with him. I havent talked to him about it because it isnt my place, if he feels that this works for him GREAT let it be. I still have some laughs with him on occasion, but when his bullshit starts to get deep I find myself starting to call him out on it, so maybe I need to start hangin out with him even less.
Theres one more thing Im wanting to talk about but Im tired of writing this AM.. Ill save it for later I guess..
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