After a lengthy talk with a good friend last night I was/am feeling pretty down. Among many things that I constantly worry about is what I can possibly do with the rest of my life, feelings of hopelessness consume me. I feel like starting over at 41 years old just isnt possible. Im broke, unemployed, fat and single. I feel like Ill never be able to pull myself out of this.
This morning I saw a post by my friend Tryce and it got me thinking I can still do anything I want, after all Harvey Milk didnt even become involved in politics until he was 40 years old, not that I want to become a politician, but thats a pretty big mountain to start climbing at 40 years old. I just need to find my motivation.
Last night while chatting with my friend I realized that I need to start having more conversations with people that have overcome major obstacles. Im tired of hearing sob stories from people about how awful their life is when in reality they have it pretty damn easy. Bitching about how awful your mother is, or how you need new clothes, or how you are so confused by the 2-3 guys you're trying to date.. Maybe thats why I feel so hopeless all the time? Because when I hear people bitching about stuff like that, you can imagine I must feel totally broken and unfix-able
I guess there is hope for me. I just need to believe in myself more, I need to RE become the person I used to be...But how? I need to begin by concentrating on that little tiny glimmer of hope, instead of the huge amount of hopelessness.
Every time I feel like Im taking a step forward, I take 2 steps backwards. I dont know how to stay on the right path anymore.
I was hoping by blogging I would come up with some answers for myself like I usually do.. Not this time.
Happy Harvey Milk Day