Ive never had a doctor or therapist tell me that I have an addictive personality, but its very obvious to me that I am highly addictive to anything and everything.
When I was young it was food, that only began after we moved from the LA area to Huntington Beach.
In LA I had tons of friends but in Huntington Beach I didnt know anyone and I became the target of bullies.
The eating made me feel better, but it made the bullying worse.
Then spending money was my new addiction, but the eating was still part of it. I would go to South Coast Plaza or Fashion Island and spend hundreds, even thousands of dollars each trip, and this was when I was 15-16 years old. I had an American Express Gold Card but only a student ID to show instead of a drivers license or other "official" ID. A fancy lunch was always part of a shopping day.
Years later I discovered alcohol. I never really considered alcohol a big problem for me. In my entire life I have only been fall down, out of my mind wasted just once. That was only a year ago! Alcohol I could take it or leave it, but I think at least in the beginning years 20-23 it was the social interaction I was addicted to. Drinking only enhanced it.
Sadly I discovered drugs about the time I was 25. I went from being an occasional weekend user to a once a day user (but never after 6 PM. At the end of my about 7 year drug habit I was shooting up 3-4 times a day just to maintain. I wasn't even getting high. Just staying awake and running a business.
Well when the economy tanked and I closed my business the drug use ended, mostly because I couldn't afford it anymore (I still owe some dealers money) and also mom wasn't able to help me financially as much
because the real estate market wasn't doing too well either.
The last few years have been lean times for me financially, so the spending, lunching and drinking have majorly decreased. Im happy to say I haven't done any drugs in I think 5 years now.
As some of you know a long time friend of mine became VERY ill and unfortunately died. During the time he was sick I did a lot of stress eating. The week he was dying I did a LOT of drinking, and a lot of eating.
I recently got a few extra dollars and instead of holding onto it I've been spending. I used some money for things that needed to be paid off and taken care of for a while, and I've bought myself some extras. Nothing extravagant. New shoes to replace ones I bought 2 years ago, some shorts, t shirts, 99 cent store crap, etc.
So after the tragedy of losing my friend, I have gained over 20 pounds. After I got out of the hospital in January I was fitting perfectly into my size 34 jeans, now I can barely button my size 36 jeans.
I let my addictions take over my life, and like many addictions the end results are not fun, healthy, or easily reversible. This extra weight is making me feel so awful. I really am trying to cut back on what I eat but it isn't easy. Exercise is even more difficult for me, I've never liked working out or exercising. I wish I would have taken some of that newly "found" money and gotten a tune up on my bike because I do love to ride my bike, even though most areas of San Diego are very non bike friendly.
Why oh why couldn't I become addicted to exercise?
No comments:
Post a Comment