Citizen Kurt: Not Your Typical Love Story

What about love?

Don't you want someone to care about you?

And what about love?

Don't let it slip away

What about love?

I only want to share it with you

You might need it someday.

The above are lyrics from a song by Heart, "What About Love" When you hear most love songs on the radio you think of a traditional relationship. Boy meets boy, boy meets girl, girl meets girl, etc. But these songs don't have to be about a sexual or intimate relationship at all. It’s all how you accept and perceive it. Let me explain.

I first met Mynde in 8th grade, I thought she was a little "bitchy" because let’s face it aren't most 8th grade girls a little bitchy? Fast forward to high school, sophomore year. I don't remember exactly how it happened it was almost 30 years ago after all. I believe it was through our little group that hung out in the quad at lunch (I was the only boy.) Sometime during our hanging out we decided to begin dating. At the time I think we were still 15 years old. So outside of school there wasn’t a whole lot for us to do, so I guess dating meant we kissed and held hands when we saw each other.

Don’t You Want Someone to Care About You

By the time we were 16 we were fully in love, we spent all the time we could together, usually friends in tow, but we did have our alone time and lots of “special” alone time ( I was a 16 year old guy after all) Her dad was fairly lenient and my mom let me do most anything I wanted. Mynde lived just 15-20 minutes away from where we went to school and where I lived so there were lots of trip to Long Beach to hang out. There was tons of shopping, concerts, just spending time together. When we were 18 years old we moved into our own apartment together, times were much rougher then, we hardly had any money, sometimes we fought, often times we would just lay around and do nothing but watch TV. Things started improving and we moved to a nicer area and a brand new never lived in apartment. Things were looking up. But things were also changing; I was learning that my attraction towards men meant I was gay. We grew distant and I could never tell her why, I was too embarrassed. “It’s me, it’s not you” is all I could say. Mynde eventually moved out and moved on with her life. I was still so confused and so uncertain with what was happening in my life, I remember one day going to her apartment begging her to take me back, lying on the floor crying, leaving her mixed tapes on her car windshield. Not having Mynde in my life was unbearable, she was my best friend. I eventually came out to her one night confessing that my relationship with an older woman was somewhat of a hoax…it was an older man. Her response was nothing but full of love. But like most straight girls (at that moment anyway) she had some of those silly questions like who’s the guy and who’s the girl. She would be my “date” for work parties, etc. But then Mynde met a guy and got married. Guess who was in the wedding? Yup, me no I wasn’t a bridesmaid. I was an usher, talk about some confused looking people, mostly friends of her Dad’s that I had met. “Why is the ex boyfriend part of the wedding party?

And What About Love? Don't Let it Slip Away

Many years, too many years would pass without us seeing each other; we both had new lives we were working on, Mynde had a baby. I moved to San Diego, our lives were much different then. Most of those years it took much more of an effort to stay in contact without the spoils of social media. I remember when our 10 year high school reunion came around we planned I think lunch and a shopping trip during the day before the reunion. It was so great to fall back into our old routine. Well again, time passes and there is less contact. Until good ‘ol MySpace came along. We were able to stay in better contact and share the big news and the sometimes mundane part of our adult lives. I guess the biggest news I received from Mynde was that after 2 marriages she had finally realized she was a fellow hoMO Sexual. Well of course our bond grew tighter after that. A few years later I realized my mother’s health was starting to slowly fail; this was many years before her cancer. But being the worrier that I am I was concerned of how I would deal with mom dying, so I reached out to Mynde and some other friends to re connect so that I would have that safety net to protect me from falling apart.

What about love?

I only want to share it with you

You might need it someday.

After that Mynde and I would see each other at least once a year for San Diego Gay Pride. We always had so much fun, I love making Mynde laugh with my silliness. But in 2012 Mynde got sick, VERY sick, and I have to admit I was not there for her as much as I should have been. My mother had been diagnosed with inoperable lung Cancer merely weeks before Mynde’s diagnosis with Breast Cancer. I was scared. The thought of losing someone scares the hell out of me. So now I had two of the closest people in my life affected by a disease that I could do nothing to about. My mother was my best friend, Mynde was my left arm.. ( I’m right handed she’s left handed….stupid joke) The difference was Mynde is a fighter, losing her life was not an option. She was making sure of that! My depression after mom’s death grew intensely strong and fast. In November of 2012 I tried to end my life, friends contacted Mynde and what seems like instantly Mynde and Andrea were in San Diego for a week, staying at my place visiting me every day. This was right after Mynde had a double Mastectomy. How much more selfless and compassionate can someone be? Our bond has never been stronger, I come to Orange County to visit them as often as I can, approximately every couple of months. Now that Mynde is doing SO MUCH better I'm trying to get them to come down to San Diego for a visit. (hint hint)

This is an ever changing love story. As I said not your typical love story but it is true love, and always will be.