There
is something about seeing someone physically deteriorate before your eyes. that is somewhat life
changing.
In the past I've seen
people I know slowly deteriorate from AIDS, from drug abuse, Cancer, and I
imagine other unknown ailments. But for whatever reason those didn’t have
the same affect on me as what I have experienced in the past two years. The two people I have
witnessed die before my eyes were both very very different experiences but both were people I loved.
The first was my mother, we found out she had Cancer and was given 6
months to live, as her illness progressed there were mild signs that turned
into larger obstacles with day to day activities. Until her final night when I was holding her
hand as she took her last breath.
The
second, and most recent was my friend of many years, Dave.
At first we thought it was just jaundice because he was turning yellow,
which turned into orange, and then we found out his liver and kidney were both
failing. He went in and out of different facilities, went home for a short time
but his illness progressed quickly and beyond the scope of the doctors’
abilities to save his live.
Mom’s
death affected me to a point where I thought I couldn’t live without her, and I
attempted to end my life. Mom died of
lung cancer. She was a smoker for many
years but for the last 13 years of her life she did not smoke. The type of cancer she had was not directly attributed
to smoking. She was 74 years old when
she died.
Dave’s
death has had the opposite impact on me; I've actually wanted to take better
care of myself. . Dave’s illness was
something that could have been avoided, something he was warned about by his
doctors. Unfortunately Dave didn't take
the advice of his doctors, but I heard them loud and clear. Dave died at the age of 46 years old.
Although
the changes I’m making are slow, they are also deliberate. I eat healthier more often, including gross vegetables like broccoli, Brussels sprouts and eggplant, all of which I now find amazingly
delicious. I go walking in the morning. I have been drinking alcohol a lot less often. Watching Dave slip away so quickly helped me
FINALLY realize how easy it is to fall into bad patterns that can end your
life. I had much worse addictions than
Dave, but somehow I was lucky enough to make it through. I
was also by Dave’s bedside when he passed, way too young, way too soon. That could have just as easily been me.
So
last night Dave came to me in a dream, just the same as my mom, grandma, dad,
and most everyone else that has passed before me. The dream didn't make any sense; he wasn’t
bringing me any profound words of wisdom.
But it struck a thought in my mind that I scribbled down, which has
resulted in this blog post.
So
what’s the point I’m trying to make here?
I don’t even know. Just take care
of those close to you, force them to take better care of themselves. Watching someone you care about taking their
last breath is an image that will never escape your mind.
1 comment:
This made me shed a few tears, an eye opener for sure. Thank you for sharing
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