If you follow me on Facebook you know I just throw out some random thoughts out of no where at times. As I've been out and about lately Ive been writing myself notes on things I may want to blog about.
Looking at these notes later I realize I may have been a little tipsy. So lets go down the list.
Knowing bartenders for years
People watching from corner cuz self esteem
Someone that didnt choose me
The above is the list I sent myself one evening while I was sitting in the corner at Urban Mo's
Some of my bartenders and bar owners that I've known over 20 years remember the days when my money was flowing and how well I tipped, so they are the first to offer up a free drink to me now that they know im on a very limited income. I have a running joke with one friend in town.. I say hey do you remember my friend (his name) that used to give me free shots/drinks? Usually his answer is "nope I don't know him" Then he pours me a drink. I don't go out with the intention of mooching drinks.. Well unless I'm with Ophelia, but after 20+ years of friendship I figure she owes me 3,674 cocktails. And I haven't been reduced to swiping drinks off the bars or tables when someone isn't looking like we did in our twenties.
As some of you know I have had an issue with my teeth lately, another thing new to me, well I am happy to say that will be fixed in the beginning of June. But for now I find myself sitting in a corner just people watching, my self esteem isn't at its highest right now so I just enjoy watching. There were days that I knew everyone in a bar or club. Hell it would take 10 minutes to get to the bar from the front door just to stop and say hello to friends. Today of course there is an entire new crowd, I think to myself wow I was that young when I started going out in San Diego and it just amazes me. Sometimes I wish I could sit one of those youngsters down and give them some advice I wish someone had given me. Before I \think to put some of them down or "dismiss" them I TRY to remember myself at their age, was I any different? Well there are valid points for both sides of that argument.
Like the late, great Whitney Houston said in Sparkle "Was my life not enough of a cautionary tale for you?"
Being on a very restricted income is still something relatively new to me, and instead of staying in the house all of the time I like many others like to get out. Sometimes I go to Starbucks with a friend or with a book and spend a whopping $1.65 on coffee, saving 10 cents on a tall because I bring my own coffee tumbler and free refills because I have a rewards card. So the rare times I am out at a club or bar... dont worry, I wont be offended if you buy me a drink!
Of course when I drink I tend to get sentimental and maybe a little melancholy. There are definitely some guys out there that I would "spend time with" on a very regular basis in the past, but when it came to dating, i wasn't on their list. I have no idea why, it could be a gazillion reasons both positive and negative. I often remind myself of my "wants" when dating someone and it isnt always based on just looks. Today I look at the guys I spent time with that I was SOOOOOOOO very attracted to and i look at who they are with now, and sadly my first reaction is. It Should Have Been Me! Ya cant help to wonder if I was giving off the wrong signals, if I was getting too clingy too soon, who knows. The right one will come along someday...Maybe. I've always known that when you stop looking for someone, they will find you. Im just hoping I haven't already had my "special someone" and didn't realize it. Oh well Not gonna get all mopey on this blog.
Just had to share those random thoughts.