Cleaning is something I used to be fanatical about, my place always used to be sparkling clean, but after I became depressed back in October, its something I just didnt care about anymore, But maybe I am coming out from under my dark cloud a little bit. I have been making an effort to clean up my little apartment the past couple of weeks. Last week I had to go and get a bunch of stuff out of an old friends garage that I had stored there for quite a few months, Ive had to temporarily absorb a lot of this stuff into my place until I sell it or store it somewhere else. I started to clean my kitchen today (hopefully I will finish) Tomorrow I hope to get my bedroom cleaned up enough to sleep in my bed, I havent done so in over a month and I think thats why Im not sleeping so well. Now dont get the wrong idea, its not that my place is full of filth, its just cluttered. I havent been putting my clean laundry away, its just been on the bed, and some of the "stored" stuff is in the bedroom now as well. My place is really tiny, so it gets cluttered VERY easily.
I signed up for school today! I just signed up online, I still have to meet with a counselor, take the assessment tests, pick classes, etc But Its something I am really excited about. I still dont have a clue as to what I am going to do, but I need to get the general stuff out of the way first anyway so I have a little time to figure that out. I was actually giddy about it today, dancing around my apartment a little bit! I hope this all works out for me because I REALLY want this..
Last week 3 different friends made it a point to tell me that I seem a lot more positive in person, and my posts on Facebook have been more positive as well. I cant tell you how much that meant to me. I havent really been working on appearing positive but theres a few things that I think I can credit for the change.
#1 I think finally I have the right dosage and combination of anti-depressants, I dont think most people realize how difficult it is to find the right balance, and each time you make a change it can take anywhere from 2-4 weeks for the change to truly take effect.
#2 Ive also "removed" some negativity from my life; people, situations, etc.
Sometimes you dont really realize how negative or "nagging" someone is until you arent around them anymore.. Or maybe I just got to a point where I had heard enough people bitching about nothing and I was starting to realize it, and wasnt being so nice about it anymore....enough about that.
#3 I have realized that alcohol has played a big part in some of the drama that has happened with friends. Judgment, emotions, and reactions all get distorted with alcohol. I honestly have to say when I am drinking Im pretty happy and fun, I may get a bit annoying, but I dont fight or get mad or sensitive. If I am wrong about this I hope someone will remind me and call me out on it, but Im pretty sure I dont get all "crazy" when Im drinking. (unless you call "getting sick" on the side of a building crazy) Sorry Urban Mo's!!
I think some people dont consider that alcohol affects you NOT just the day or night you are drinking, but the effects can continue for a couple days after. I was talking with a friend about this recently and he said that he is more emotional or depressed the following day after drinking. So if you are drinking 3 or 4 days a week, that pretty much means you arent in your "right mind" too often.
Ive not gone out at certain times when I know there is gonna be too many friends together drinking, just to avoid any exposure to drama or uncomfortable situations. There have been just a few "dramatic episodes" that I have heard of, certainly no where near the amount of times I have stayed home trying to avoid it all, but I think trying to remove myself from it is a good move on my part.
Last week I enjoyed a great night out with friends for dinner Spaghetti and Show tunes and no one drank and we had plenty of fun! Now please I dont want to come across as hypocritical, anyone that knows me knows I LOVE my Baja Betty's margaritas and my Jack & Coke I'm just finding better more positive ways to enjoy myself when I am out with friends.. Smaller groups of the RIGHT people, less often, for shorter periods of time when alcohol is involved.
As two friends of mine Top Chef Rich Sweeney (yeah I just name dropped) and Gooster used to say K.I.S.S. (keep it simple stupid)
2 comments:
Hi:
First I want to thank you for following my blog.
I also wanted to tell you that you are on the right track by eliminating those "negative" people who bring you down. There is another kind you should watch out for: those who suck out all your energy. They are nice but require a lot of emotional and time investment.
I used to have acid indigestion almost on a daily basis and once I discovered what wss causing it...actually who was causing it, I soon stepped away and now I only get indigestion when I overdue the wine and the food.
good blog bud.
saludos,
raulito
Hi Kurt!! I'm just getting around to reading some of your articles and I believe you are on the right track. The removal of negative stressors in your life can play a huge role in how you perceive life in general. By continually being around people and situations that are stressful, dramatic or cause anxiety can do nothing but cause issues with your health - primarily mentally at first, but also physical when exposed to longer term stressors. As I indicated to you earlier, i recently walked away from a relationship. Also the ending of the relationship itself was a HUGE stress in itself, a continuation of the relationship would have been worse, as it was causing a great amount of anxiety. As for alcohol ... I love it myself, but you are correct - it can take days for the affect to wear off. And that's just for people not even currently taking medications for depression. The combination of the two (depending on if you are on a SSRI or another med), could cause even greater fluctuations. After partying (alcohol only) this Thursday - Saturday, I could really tell mentally that it had a large impact. From the nervous shakes, to an episode of depression, to even unrealistic moments of anxiety/paranoia (creaking of wooden floors - it startled me to the point where I was in fear that someone was in the house). It's amazing how much alcohol in large volumes or long periods of time can mess with your mind. So im not willing to give it up either ... I just TRY to do it in moderation ... or at least not every weekend ;-)
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