A few weeks ago I was talking to my therapist about how excited I was to begin volunteering in the Mental Health field. She stopped me and reminded me how in the past few years I was always mentioning my lack of passion for anything in my life. She also recognized how eager I am and the excitement I was showing for this new endeavor. Yes, she sad I found my passion again. It reminded me of a blog post I wrote just over 4 years ago, there is an excerpt below.
I used to be passionate about stuff. Now I dont even care.
I used to be passionate about causes, I used to have a passion for my work, Ive been passionate about people at times. Now I dont care much about anything, Ill go days without getting off the couch, showering, or at times even brushing my teeth.
Sometimes I take the worlds problems on as my own, I start to get in this thought process that I hate the direction the country or the world is going and it really starts to get me down. It can be triggered by something as small as people not using a turn signal to something as big as a national election. So rather than get myself going on a downward spiral of hating stuff, i chose to just not think about it. But that brings me to the place I am now.. Not feeling anything at all. Or maybe its all these pills the Dr has me on right now. Whatever it is its not working.. This entire week Ive been down in the dumps, not wanting to leave my couch and do anything..
Im going to give myself a big pat on the back because even though I have encountered MUCH larger obstacles like the death of my mother, and my major health concerns since writing this blog I have have made it through all of it. Looking back at some of my old blog posts is very difficult, those were some very dark days.
I now have things to look forward to, my self esteem and confidence still isnt as great as I would like it to be.
But its obvious Im getting there.