The War Hasn't Ended!!

The very first March on Washington in 1979 was known as "National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights" the 1987 March used the same name.

The 1993 march was "March on Washington for Lesbian, Gay and Bi Equal Rights and Liberation."

Our community was growing at a rapid rate, and our national vision was doing the best it could to keep up.

In 1992, I was elected to the National Steering Committee as a regional delegate for the 1993 March on Washington.   I travelled the country to national meetings to help shape what the 1993 March on Washington would become.  It was at one of these meetings in 1992 that I first heard the word "Transgender" we were in the middle of the planning process.  Everything was in place, with logo design, march demands, and logistics, and including the word "Bi" instead of Bisexual, so we didn't "sexualize" the event.  We had the endorsement of the NAACP, which was the first time we had a direct connection with the LGB(T) movement and the civil rights movement.

We were approached at a meeting by members of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence to include the T in the LGB portion of the march's name. With committee members from all over the country including small towns, the word Transgender was new to many of us.  I had just started doing drag, and I was being told that I was "Transgender"  I stood at that meeting and said "hell no I'm not!!  I'm not Trans anything; I am a guy that wears makeup and a dress!!   How dare you push a label on me!"  Everyone has a different journey, a different sense of who they are.  How do these nuns tell me who I am or how I identify!!

It was decided not to change the name of the march but what we did do was change our list of demands to include Transgender people, so that we could meet the needs and desires of our community.  The community spoke, and we listened.  This was a great accomplishment considering some of these meetings would have 45-minute discussions on what food to serve at the next meeting.


So PLEASE know, we haven't forgotten you, we haven't left your side or dropped out of line behind you in your lead.  So for those of you that feel like "the bus has left without you" or that no one cares about the greater picture than "gay marriage".  All I can say is that I am sorry you feel that way. I don't recall anyone saying "OK let us pack up the "activism box" we're all done now" Some of us know that there is still discrimination in many states in the country. You can still be fired from your job or evicted from your home because of your sexual orientation or gender identity. Schools may expel your child, parental rights are still being challenged.

Transgender women are being murdered for no reason other than being who they are.


Yes, we achieved marriage equality, which is just one battle in the war that we are still fighting.

I began fighting for equal rights for the LGBT community in 1991, so please forgive me if I take a little time to celebrate a win.  I promise I will be back to work fighting for our entire LGBTQ community right away.

I've also included the list of demands from the 1993 March on Washington for those that weren't around yet or don't remember what we were fighting for back in 1993.

Platform of the 1993 March on Washington for

Lesbian, Gay, and Bi Equal Rights and Liberation

Action Statement Preamble to the Platform

The Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender movement recognizes that our quest for social justice fundamentally links us to the struggles against racism and sexism, class bias, economic injustice and religious intolerance. We must realize if one of us is oppressed we all are oppressed. The diversity of our movement requires and compels us to stand in opposition to all forms of oppression that diminish the quality of life for all people. We will be vigilant in our determination to rid our movement and our society of all forms

of oppression and exploitation, so that all of us can develop to our full human potential without regard to race, religion, sexual orientation, identification, identity, gender and gender expression, ability, age or class.

THE MARCH DEMANDS

1. We demand passage of a Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender civil rights bill and an end to discrimination by state and federal governments including the military; repeal of all sodomy laws and other laws that criminalize private sexual expression between consenting adults.

2. We demand massive increase in funding for AIDS education, research,and patient care; universal access to health care including alternative therapies; and an end to sexism in medical research and health care.

3. We demand legislation to prevent discrimination against Lesbians,

Gays, Bisexuals and Transgendered people in the areas of family diversity, custody, adoption and foster care and that the definition of family includes the full diversity of all family structures.

4. We demand full and equal inclusion of Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals and Transgendered people in the educational system, and inclusion of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender studies in multicultural curricula.

5. We demand the right to reproductive freedom and choice, to control

our own bodies, and an end to sexist discrimination.

6. We demand an end to racial and ethnic discrimination in all forms.

7. We demand an end to discrimination and violent oppression based on

actual or perceived sexual orientation, identification, race, religion, identity, sex and gender expression, disability, age, class, AIDS/HIV infection.

Platform Demands and Related Items

  1. We demand passage of a Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender civil rights bill and an end to discrimination by state and federal governments including the military; repeal of all sodomy laws and others laws that criminalize private sexual expression between consenting adults.

Passage of "The Civil Rights Amendment Act of 1991" (HR 1430 & S574).

Repeal of Department of Defense directive 1332.14.

Repeal of laws prohibiting sodomy, cross-gender expression (dress codes) or non-coercive sexual behavior between consenting adults.

Amendment of the Code of Federal Regulations to recognize same-sex

relationships.

Passage of the Equal Rights Amendment

Implementation of, funding for and enforcement of the Americans with

Disabilities Act of 1991.

Passage and implementation of graduated age-of-consent laws.

  2. We demand massive increase in funding for AIDS education, research, and patient care; universal access to health care including alternative therapies; and an end to sexism in medical research and health care.

The provision of responsive, appropriate health care for people with

disabilities, deaf and hard of hearing people.

Revision of the Centers for Disease Control definition of AIDS to include infections particular to women.

Implementation of the recommendation-of the National AIDS Commission

immediately.

A massive increase in funding for AIDS education, research and care--money for AIDS, not for war.

This money should come from the defense budget, not existing social services.

An increase in funding and research to provide an independent study of HIV infection in women, People of Color, Bisexuals, Heterosexuals, children, and women to women transmission.

Access to anonymous testing for HIV.

No mandatory HIV testing.

A cure for AIDS.

The development and legalization of a national needle exchange program.

Free substance abuse treatment on demand.

The redefinition of sexual reassignment surgeries as medical, not cosmetic, treatment.

The provision of appropriate medical treatment for all transgendered people in prisons and hospitals.

An increase in funding and research for chronic illness, including breast ovarian, and other cancers particular to women.

The right of all people with chronic illness, including HIV/AIDS, to choices in medical treatment as well as the right to end such treatment.

  3. We demand legislation to prevent discrimination against Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals, and Transgendered people in the areas of family diversity, custody, adoption and foster care and that the definition of family includes the full diversity of all family structures.

The recognition and legal protection of whole range of family structures.

An end to abuse and exploitation of and discrimination against youth.

An end to abuse and exploitation of and discrimination against older/old people.

Full implementation of the recommendations contained in the report of the Health and Human Services Task Force on Youth Suicide.

Recognition of domestic partnerships.

Legalization of same sex marriages.

4. We demand full and equal inclusion of Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals and Transgendered people in the educational system, and inclusion of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender studies in multicultural curricula.

Culturally inclusive Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Studies program; and information on abortion, AIDS/HIV, childcare and sexuality at all levels of education.

Establishment of campus offices and programs to address Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender students special needs.

The ban of all discriminatory ROTC programs and recruiters from learning institutions.

An end to discrimination at all levels of education.

   5. We demand the right to reproductive freedom and choice, to control our own bodies, and an end to sexist discrimination.

The right to control our bodies.

Unrestricted, safe and affordable alternative insemination.

An end to sterilization abuse.

That access to safe and affordable abortion and contraception be available to all people on demand, without restriction and regardless of age.

That access to unbiased and complete information about the full range of reproductive options be available to all people, regardless of age.

  6. We demand an end to racial and ethnic discrimination in all forms.

Support for non-racist policies and affirmative action.

An end to institutionalized racism.

Equal economic opportunity and an end to poverty.

Full reproductive rights, improvement of prenatal services, availability of alternative insemination for Lesbians and Bisexual women of color.

Repeal all 'English Only' laws and restore and enforce bilingual education.

Repeal all discriminatory immigration laws based on race and HIV status .

A commitment to ending racism, including internalized racism, sexism and all forms of religious and ethnic oppression in our communities and in this country.

An end to the genocide of all the indigenous peoples and their cultures

Restoration of the self-determination of all indigenous people of the world.

  7. We demand an end to discrimination and violent oppression based on actual or perceived sexual orientation/identification, race, religion,identity, sex and gender expression, disability, age, class, AIDS/HIV infection.

An end to anti-Semitism.

An end to sexist oppression.

An end to discrimination against people with disabilities, deaf and hard of hearing people.

An end to discrimination based on sexual orientation in all programs of the Boy Scouts of America.

An end to economic injustice in this country and internationally.

An end to discrimination against prisoners with HIV/AIDS.

An end to discrimination against people with HIV/AIDS, and those perceived as having HIV/AIDS.

An end to consideration of gender dysphoria as a psychiatric disorder.

An end to hate crimes including police brutality, rape and bashing.

An end to censorship.

I lose and the kids win!

Some of you may know that I have been on a fitness program with Metabolic Direct since the beginning of May.  I was doing great, but I've hit a plateau.  I haven’t lost any weight in the past 3 weeks and I attribute that to a few things but mostly my lack of enthusiasm for getting to the gym

WELL, my fitness coach, Vincent has given me a challenge, something that will not only benefit me,  but the community can benefit from as well.   Vincent has pledged $50 for every 5 pounds I lose before Pride.  That money will go to The Hillcrest Youth Center.

In addition, if I can get 3 people to match his donation, he will add another $100 on top of that.  So realistically I think I can lose 15 pounds by Pride.   I would love to lose 20 pounds, so if you accept this challenge you would need to be prepared to write a check to the Hillcrest Youth Center for up to $200! (its tax deductible)

Trust me I LOVE a challenge, and when there is money for an organization that benefits youth on the line, I can’t fail!  I am in it 110% now.  If I don’t lose 20 pounds or even 15 pounds, there is no doubt that I will lose SOME weight, so no matter what we will be raising money for the Hillcrest Youth Center!

So who is in?

PLEASE SHARE THIS.  I want three people in on this!  We could raise almost $1,000 for the Hillcrest Youth Center.

When I started the diet I was 237 pounds, a month later I was down to 218

Today is June 19th I am 219 pounds. THIS PROGRAM WORKS

Biding my Time

It's a difficult thing being sick before New Years and your 46th Birthday right around the corner.  All I can do is lay here and think.   I will be 50 soon and where am I?

I had a very bumpy road in 2012 and 2013.  The illness and death of my mother in 2012 caused me a great mental and physical breakdown in 2013.  Then 2014 came along and things started going my way, at least I was in a much better state of mind and my health has never been better.  I got back to volunteering, I found a new passion in the Mental Health field, friends were coming around again, and I had high hopes that I would be reentering the workforce in a job that I have great passion for.

Well 2014 is gone now and I'm still sick in bed just waiting for my birthday to come around...   That's about it.  I don't know what my next move is.  I took the winter months off from volunteering at the LGBT Center, its what I did last year, its just something I do for myself.  I still have some work to do with Auntie Helen's.   But no job yet, and no new prospects in sight if this opportunity Ive ben hoping for since July doesn't come through.

So many things have crossed my mind.  I have had a handful or more of friends leave San Diego and  have greater opportunities and better lives.  I think about relocating, I think about it a lot.  But how does someone that is closer to 50 than he is to 40 just pick up and move and start an entirely new life. Unless you are in the witness protection program or  in the FBI it's got to be extremely difficult.

Back at the end of 2009 I inadvertently started a new life.  Not the life I entirely wanted, but a change was needed.  The best thing that came out of that change was ending my drug use.  It was also the beginning of my Mental Health issues revealing itself to me.

My drive and ambition has wained a bit.  How do you explain a 5 year gap in your resume?
"oh after I closed my business my mommy paid all my bills and I have been on disability"

Im scared there I said it. Im scared, Im stuck, I don't see that light at the end of the tunnel.

  Most people my age are closer to retirement, not starting over completely.  I need to have a job.   Ive always been lucky and had jobs I either REALLY REALLY liked or that were my passion.  Now it looks like I may join the millions of people that go to work each day hating their job.

I got some soup yesterday from the Chinese restaurant and this morning I opened the fortune cookie, inside the fortune read;  "Keep a cool head and bide your time: a chance is bound to come."


I remember my mother, who in her sixties went back to school and got her real estate license and made buttloads of money right up into her 70's.  Mom was sort of like Madonna, she reinvented herself many times in her life.  Where did she get that self confidence? Why didn't I inherit it?

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road

Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go

So make the best of this test and don't ask why

It's not a question but a lesson learned in time.

 So this is normal?  Or not entirely unusual I guess?   I've seen some Facebook friends struggle finding jobs all over the country, and they don't seem to be nearly as particular as I am, Im sure they don't have a s many opportunities as I do.

So Im going back to bed for now, when this cold decides to leave my body I'll figure all this out I hope.   I think its just a continuation of my midlife crisis.

For all the lovely ladies in my life!

The strongest people I know have always been women.   When I say that I think to myself,  is that a little misogynistic?   Do I think women are supposed to be weak therefore I think they are strong when they are just like anyone else?
I certainly don't mean it that way.   I've always had better relationships with women.


Of course, this starts with my mother, anyone that knows anything about me knows I was and still am a mama's boy.  Even before I was born my mother had been through a lot as a very young woman.  We spent more time together than my father, and I did.  Mom and I had a very strong bond that even in death has not been broken.  She often comes to me in my dreams to comfort me or even fight and argue with me.

My Great Aunt Goldie, she was like my nanny when I was very young.  She is the one that taught me not to say yeah, and please,  thank you and that ain't ain't a word, to respect my elders and other little life lessons.  Her sister my Grandma Ruby, now she was a broad, a tough broad.   She too faced difficult times in her first marriage, but she got out.  She had to see her only child; my father die before her, something a parent should never have to endure. Her second husband Grandpa Harry had Alzheimers and that really took a toll on Grandma.

Most all of my friends in high school were girls SHOCKER RIGHT?  Maybe it's a gay boy thing but Ive always gotten along better with women.

I've had mostly female bosses, my first job when I was barely 16; I worked for Arlene Gellerman.  Arlene brought out the creative and artistic abilities within me, taught me about Jewish traditions, and some of the fun Yiddish words, and yes she even enforced some of the stereotypes of Jewish people.  I would sit and talk with Arlene for hours, even when I wasn't working.  There was Roberta Tripoli, who was my second boss then eventual roommate.  Karen Korpi, who was my mentor in the day spa industry, I worked for her at Murad then she went on to become the Vice President of the Spa Division for Ritz Carlton Hotels.

My best friend for many years Cheri…well I suppose you can guess she's a girl too, now she's more like my sister because we get on each others damn nerves sometimes.

Now I gotta tell you about Mynde.  Ive written a blog about Mynde before, talk about tough!   Often she is the first person I call or text with news that I once would have called mom to share with first.   I've also learned that just because someone is strong for themselves doesn't mean they have enough strength for everyone all the time.  But Mynde pushes through and is always there for anyone that needs her.   Mynde's mother Carol recently lost her son.  Again a parent should never have to out live their children.  Carol and I aren't super close, but I have to say from my perspective she has been pretty tough throughout her son's illness and now his passing.

Not only is Tina Turner my all time favorite singer in all the land, but she is so inspirational and has such a peaceful state of mind.  From her childhood all through her adult life she endured many obstacles, even being homeless for a very short time.  She was stripped of her dignity and stuck in a marriage with a man that regularly abused her.  But she got OUT!  She transformed herself into the Queen of Rock and Roll!
Her music career has changed over the years and the work she does now is even more inspiring to me.  It brings me peace and balance through Buddhist, Hindu and Christian music and prayer mantras

I imagine we all have our breaking point.  I don't know that my mother would have ever been the same if I had passed before her.  The list of tradgedies  my mother faced in her life is too long to list here.   I imagine if she lost me that would have been her breaking point.   Im glad I lived to hold her hand as she took her last breath.  I finally got to be the strong one for her.

So here's to all the lovely ladies in my life, if you were not mentioned here, it doesn't mean you aren't on my mind, it just means I need more coffee.

XO

'Tis the Season

Anyone that knows me or is even familiar with my story knows that the holidays are difficult for me.

Historically its right around this time of year my depression grabs hold and takes over.  I have spent 2 or 3 Thanksgivings in a Psychiatric hospital.  Yes, I can't even remember the exact amount of times I have had Thanksgiving dinner in the hospital.

This time of the year my depression is triggered by being alone. Even before my mother died I had been hospitalized I always joked that it was her bad cooking on Thanksgiving that caused me to avoid being home for dinner.  I know many of you may be shaking your head wondering how in the hell can Kurt feel lonely?  I have dozens of people that I could count on to "rescue" me from spending a day alone at home.  But as I always say, I long to have that special someone with to share the holidays.  We could eat hamburgers and onion rings, and I would be just as happy.

I have a few invites for Thanksgiving dinner this year; I've also thought about volunteering to feed those less fortunate at my LGBT Community Center.  I haven't made a decision on what I will be doing that day, at this point I just think of it like any other day, no big deal to me...  I haven't cared about Thanksgiving for almost ten years.  It just isn't an important holiday to me, I always asked mom why with her Native American background we celebrated Thanksgiving.  The only problem is I LOVE to eat!  This year I imagine I'll be having 2 Thanksgiving dinners, one tomorrow; the week before Thanksgiving for my roommate's HIV support group, and one on Thanksgiving Day wherever I land.  One of the difficult things about having multiple invites is you have to turn down some of those invites.  I hate to do that to friends, so sometimes I just feel that staying home is the best way out of that situation.

Christmas..  That's a different story for me.  Over the last several years, I have gotten used to the fact that Christmas is not what it used to be for my family.  I wrote about it in this blog titled "Christmas Memories".  Still in my current financial situation gifts are not something I can even attempt to buy, not even for the people that are closest to me and do the most for me.  Luckily I have found some unused Christmas cards of my mothers and cards I never used that I can send to friends.  I think Ill write some personal letters or blog posts about some friends telling them what they mean to me as a gift.  My feelings and love are all I can share.

Recently I was asked to give a presentation to a group about "Holiday Blues" It's a difficult time of the year for many people.  If you have an extra few dollars this year, there are things you can do to help.  Send a friend a handwritten holiday card, or if you have an extra place at the dinner table, if there is anyway you can include a friend that may be feeling lonely, sometimes just being invited can change the way someone feels about the holidays.  But also keep in mind that there are times that people do just want to be alone on these days.  It never hurts to pick up the phone to check in with someone.

I have lost three friends this past year, and I think about their family members who will have an empty space at their table this holiday season.  I am truly fortunate to have such caring friends.  So wherever I decide to land this year, I will be thinking about David, Doug and Robert and each of their loved ones.

Which is worse, politics or religion? SURVEY SAYS.....POLITICS!

You Can't Sit With Us

I didn't grow up with religion in my life, so I don't really have strong opinions about that topic, although I do have some beliefs but I keep them mostly to myself.   For people that have opinions that I don't agree with about religion I don't get in their face about them.  I have friends of all faiths...which something just struck me..  Do Atheists have faith?   Im sure they do..  Not faith in God because they don't believe in God.   But Im sure they have faith in something....  See, like I said I don't know a lot about religion.   When I have questions about religion I have one person I turn to to answer those questions and 99.9% of the time he knows the answer to my question.

Politics.... WOW if you really want to get someone worked up start talking about politics.
Some of you may remember an idea I came up with back in 2012 to protest a politician at our San Diego Gay Pride Parade.  Three people and a $50 donation from someone that was then a stranger  to me created a successful campaign that reached tens of thousands of people via social media, bloggers,   word of mouth, The New York Times, even our local newspaper who supported this politician quoted me in their paper regarding the protest.

Even though we had a very successful campaign and that person lost their bid for mayor there was a lot of collateral damage.  To say things got ugly would be an understatement.  There were accusations, threats, fake Twitter and Facebook accounts created by people that didn't like what we were doing used to attack us.   It was a very dark time for me personally.

After that I decided to back away from politics.  This mid term election this same candidate ran for a seat in congress.  It wasn't my district so I couldn't vote for or against him anyway.  Like I told people "Not my circus, not my monkeys"   I did however donate to his opponents campaign a few times in very small increments of $5 each time. But still I held back from saying much about this in public forums.  It was a tight race and there was a lot of tension and ugly campaign tactics from both sides (in my opinion) during this time.

What has greatly saddened me is to see how much our community....and we can call that community the LGBT community, the LGBT Ally community and or the Democratic community (I am registered as no party affiliation) so often turns on themselves.  That last special election we had to replace the mayor we had elected was when I first noticed this.  I didn't like either one of the candidates and didn't want to vote for either one.  I WAS BLASTED from my "own people" for saying I didn't want to vote because I didn't like either candidate.  I was told, "vote for the lesser of two evils"  Well thats what we did the first go around and that is exactly why we needed to have a special election to vote for a new mayor.  Turns out on Election day earlier this year I was in the hospital recovering from surgery the day before  and I wasn't able to vote anyway.  Since then I have become a early voter by mail.

In these last few days after the majority of ballots have been counted ,and the candidate "we" didn't want conceded,  people have been blowing off some steam and posting questions as to where this person should move to, a GoFundMe campaign has been created to purchase a one way ticket for he and his partner. (those funds raised will actually be given to another charity)   But there are some hard core activists that think this is a waste of time, we need to start focusing on 2016.   Hey great, Im glad that there is that much dedication to the process, but DO NOT come to me acting like everyone should have the same exact feelings as you do.   Talking down to people and taking on a condescending attitude will do nothing more than turn people off to the process even more than they already are.  In San Diego we have extremely poor voter turnout, so that fact that people are even talking about politics even if its tongue in cheek is great to me!

I will ALWAYS stand behind what I say, but if you twist my words and try to tell people that I said something completely different than what I did, and try to make me look foolish in the process (YES Ms LP  ONCE AGAIN, Im talking to you)  I will call you out on it!

So like I said these people with condescending attitudes and superiority complexes can miss me with their bullshit.   Because the more I feel scolded the more I back away, and after being in this city for over 20 years I DO have a voice, I have ideas and I have been pretty dang effective in my past efforts.  So keep preaching to the choir and you will soon find yourself singing alone.


PEACE OUT!!