Life Update

I've posted a couple of blogs but nothing serious since January of 2015.

That blog I was moaning about being sick, and how I had nothing to do, it was almost my birthday, and I had nothing to look forward to when I got over that damn flu.  I hadn't heard from that job that I wanted, and I decided I was just going to have to be one of the millions of Americans that go to work every day hating what they do.   Then 3 hours later the phone rang.  The organization I had been talking to for six months, the one I wanted to work for called to offer me the position.  They asked when I could come in to finalize things, and I chose January 12th, my birthday; 3 days later I began work.  Things have been AMAZING, I have met some wonderful people, I have people seeking me out to share my knowledge, and input.  I'm also learning a lot from others that I work with, both with my company and from all of the boards and committees I sit on.  At times, it's hectic and not perfect but it is beyond what I had even hoped for with this job.

So, many of you may know that I now work in the mental health field.  I am the LGBTQ outreach coordinator for Mental Health America of San Diego County.  It's a national organization with affiliates all over the United States.  It's the job I dreamed of for some years; I get to work in my community and work in a field that is very personal to me.   In June, my boss asked me to attend our national conference in Washington DC, which was a great honor considering I had only been with MHASD for less than six months.  It was a great experience, and I look forward to attending many more conferences in the future.  I LOVE to travel.

My job is to serve the un-served and underserved people within the LGBTQ community in all of San Diego County.  I do suicide prevention training, Introduction to Mental Health presentations.  I've worked with homeless youth, LGBT seniors, parents of Transgender children and so much more.  I also give an LGBTQ 101 presentation to groups and organizations that need a little bit of help learning about the specific needs of the LGBTQ community when it comes to mental health issues.  I go to resource fairs to have conversations with people and pass out information about our programs, as well as providing resources and referrals. I sit on a number of committees focusing on LGBTQ youth,  I attend monthly Suicide Prevention Council Meetings, and I was recently appointed to the Mayor's LGBT Advisory Board because of my work in the mental health field.  One of the things I enjoy doing most is advocating for my community, so often the LGBTQ community is not even mentioned, treatment facilities are not Trans* friendly or sensitive.  I speak up whenever I can, I'm trying not to be that annoying guy that's always raising his hand asking a question, but I care about people in my community, and I want to make sure we aren't forgotten.

Something I wasn't expecting was having so many friends looking to me for help and advice.  It truly blows me away that I went from a place of attempting to end my own life to now helping so many other people. I have Facebook friends I have never met reaching out, friends from junior high school asking me for advice for their adult children.  It's a great feeling, although it gets overwhelming at times, it is rare that I have a day that I am not discussing mental health issues with someone.
One thing that has been somewhat challenging is working in an office with so many different people and personalities.  Back when I was working in skin care, I worked alone in a quiet environment.  Office life isn't completely foreign to me; I've worked in corporate environments before; it's just been awhile.  OH and having a cubicle!!!  I NEVER thought I would be that guy nor did I want to be, but of course I decorated the heck out of it, filled it with gayness and, of course, some peacocks.  I'm not often in my cubicle.  I'm supposed to doing outreach and of course presentations, so that gets me out of the office.  I need to step my game up there; I do a lot of outreach via telephone and email though.  It is not so easy just walking into a business or organization and doing a "cold call" about mental health.


The past six months have flown by, I'm probably the happiest I have been in years, I find my work very fulfilling and I know that I am making a difference in people's lives.

That's not to say that I don't have my low moments.  I still LIVE WITH depression, but, for the most part, its manageable.  Sometimes I get overwhelmed when I have too many things on my plate, or if there are many issues of conflict going on around me.  But self-care is something that the people around me really understand, and if I need to leave the office early to go to the Chiropractor or even go home and curl up in bed and nap, I'm able to do so.  I work a lot of hours outside of my regular 9-5 schedule, so I have plenty of time "in the bank" to use when I need.

My close friends often tell me how proud they are of me and how far I have come.
I am always appreciative when I hear encouraging words from friends.  It's especially nice when people that are more than acquaintances but not quite "close" friends tell me how happy they are for me and acknowledge my journey.   Yeah, I know I share EVERYTHING on Facebook, but I don't always know who is paying attention.

Well, I don't know what else to say here except thank you to everyone that had faith and believed in me.  For those that never thought I could be in the position I am in now, I say SUCK IT!  Those people had nothing to do with me wanting to try harder to prove them wrong.  Someday they will be asking for my help, and I'm happy I am in now in a position where I can help them.

The War Hasn't Ended!!

The very first March on Washington in 1979 was known as "National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights" the 1987 March used the same name.

The 1993 march was "March on Washington for Lesbian, Gay and Bi Equal Rights and Liberation."

Our community was growing at a rapid rate, and our national vision was doing the best it could to keep up.

In 1992, I was elected to the National Steering Committee as a regional delegate for the 1993 March on Washington.   I travelled the country to national meetings to help shape what the 1993 March on Washington would become.  It was at one of these meetings in 1992 that I first heard the word "Transgender" we were in the middle of the planning process.  Everything was in place, with logo design, march demands, and logistics, and including the word "Bi" instead of Bisexual, so we didn't "sexualize" the event.  We had the endorsement of the NAACP, which was the first time we had a direct connection with the LGB(T) movement and the civil rights movement.

We were approached at a meeting by members of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence to include the T in the LGB portion of the march's name. With committee members from all over the country including small towns, the word Transgender was new to many of us.  I had just started doing drag, and I was being told that I was "Transgender"  I stood at that meeting and said "hell no I'm not!!  I'm not Trans anything; I am a guy that wears makeup and a dress!!   How dare you push a label on me!"  Everyone has a different journey, a different sense of who they are.  How do these nuns tell me who I am or how I identify!!

It was decided not to change the name of the march but what we did do was change our list of demands to include Transgender people, so that we could meet the needs and desires of our community.  The community spoke, and we listened.  This was a great accomplishment considering some of these meetings would have 45-minute discussions on what food to serve at the next meeting.


So PLEASE know, we haven't forgotten you, we haven't left your side or dropped out of line behind you in your lead.  So for those of you that feel like "the bus has left without you" or that no one cares about the greater picture than "gay marriage".  All I can say is that I am sorry you feel that way. I don't recall anyone saying "OK let us pack up the "activism box" we're all done now" Some of us know that there is still discrimination in many states in the country. You can still be fired from your job or evicted from your home because of your sexual orientation or gender identity. Schools may expel your child, parental rights are still being challenged.

Transgender women are being murdered for no reason other than being who they are.


Yes, we achieved marriage equality, which is just one battle in the war that we are still fighting.

I began fighting for equal rights for the LGBT community in 1991, so please forgive me if I take a little time to celebrate a win.  I promise I will be back to work fighting for our entire LGBTQ community right away.

I've also included the list of demands from the 1993 March on Washington for those that weren't around yet or don't remember what we were fighting for back in 1993.

Platform of the 1993 March on Washington for

Lesbian, Gay, and Bi Equal Rights and Liberation

Action Statement Preamble to the Platform

The Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender movement recognizes that our quest for social justice fundamentally links us to the struggles against racism and sexism, class bias, economic injustice and religious intolerance. We must realize if one of us is oppressed we all are oppressed. The diversity of our movement requires and compels us to stand in opposition to all forms of oppression that diminish the quality of life for all people. We will be vigilant in our determination to rid our movement and our society of all forms

of oppression and exploitation, so that all of us can develop to our full human potential without regard to race, religion, sexual orientation, identification, identity, gender and gender expression, ability, age or class.

THE MARCH DEMANDS

1. We demand passage of a Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender civil rights bill and an end to discrimination by state and federal governments including the military; repeal of all sodomy laws and other laws that criminalize private sexual expression between consenting adults.

2. We demand massive increase in funding for AIDS education, research,and patient care; universal access to health care including alternative therapies; and an end to sexism in medical research and health care.

3. We demand legislation to prevent discrimination against Lesbians,

Gays, Bisexuals and Transgendered people in the areas of family diversity, custody, adoption and foster care and that the definition of family includes the full diversity of all family structures.

4. We demand full and equal inclusion of Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals and Transgendered people in the educational system, and inclusion of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender studies in multicultural curricula.

5. We demand the right to reproductive freedom and choice, to control

our own bodies, and an end to sexist discrimination.

6. We demand an end to racial and ethnic discrimination in all forms.

7. We demand an end to discrimination and violent oppression based on

actual or perceived sexual orientation, identification, race, religion, identity, sex and gender expression, disability, age, class, AIDS/HIV infection.

Platform Demands and Related Items

  1. We demand passage of a Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender civil rights bill and an end to discrimination by state and federal governments including the military; repeal of all sodomy laws and others laws that criminalize private sexual expression between consenting adults.

Passage of "The Civil Rights Amendment Act of 1991" (HR 1430 & S574).

Repeal of Department of Defense directive 1332.14.

Repeal of laws prohibiting sodomy, cross-gender expression (dress codes) or non-coercive sexual behavior between consenting adults.

Amendment of the Code of Federal Regulations to recognize same-sex

relationships.

Passage of the Equal Rights Amendment

Implementation of, funding for and enforcement of the Americans with

Disabilities Act of 1991.

Passage and implementation of graduated age-of-consent laws.

  2. We demand massive increase in funding for AIDS education, research, and patient care; universal access to health care including alternative therapies; and an end to sexism in medical research and health care.

The provision of responsive, appropriate health care for people with

disabilities, deaf and hard of hearing people.

Revision of the Centers for Disease Control definition of AIDS to include infections particular to women.

Implementation of the recommendation-of the National AIDS Commission

immediately.

A massive increase in funding for AIDS education, research and care--money for AIDS, not for war.

This money should come from the defense budget, not existing social services.

An increase in funding and research to provide an independent study of HIV infection in women, People of Color, Bisexuals, Heterosexuals, children, and women to women transmission.

Access to anonymous testing for HIV.

No mandatory HIV testing.

A cure for AIDS.

The development and legalization of a national needle exchange program.

Free substance abuse treatment on demand.

The redefinition of sexual reassignment surgeries as medical, not cosmetic, treatment.

The provision of appropriate medical treatment for all transgendered people in prisons and hospitals.

An increase in funding and research for chronic illness, including breast ovarian, and other cancers particular to women.

The right of all people with chronic illness, including HIV/AIDS, to choices in medical treatment as well as the right to end such treatment.

  3. We demand legislation to prevent discrimination against Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals, and Transgendered people in the areas of family diversity, custody, adoption and foster care and that the definition of family includes the full diversity of all family structures.

The recognition and legal protection of whole range of family structures.

An end to abuse and exploitation of and discrimination against youth.

An end to abuse and exploitation of and discrimination against older/old people.

Full implementation of the recommendations contained in the report of the Health and Human Services Task Force on Youth Suicide.

Recognition of domestic partnerships.

Legalization of same sex marriages.

4. We demand full and equal inclusion of Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals and Transgendered people in the educational system, and inclusion of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender studies in multicultural curricula.

Culturally inclusive Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Studies program; and information on abortion, AIDS/HIV, childcare and sexuality at all levels of education.

Establishment of campus offices and programs to address Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender students special needs.

The ban of all discriminatory ROTC programs and recruiters from learning institutions.

An end to discrimination at all levels of education.

   5. We demand the right to reproductive freedom and choice, to control our own bodies, and an end to sexist discrimination.

The right to control our bodies.

Unrestricted, safe and affordable alternative insemination.

An end to sterilization abuse.

That access to safe and affordable abortion and contraception be available to all people on demand, without restriction and regardless of age.

That access to unbiased and complete information about the full range of reproductive options be available to all people, regardless of age.

  6. We demand an end to racial and ethnic discrimination in all forms.

Support for non-racist policies and affirmative action.

An end to institutionalized racism.

Equal economic opportunity and an end to poverty.

Full reproductive rights, improvement of prenatal services, availability of alternative insemination for Lesbians and Bisexual women of color.

Repeal all 'English Only' laws and restore and enforce bilingual education.

Repeal all discriminatory immigration laws based on race and HIV status .

A commitment to ending racism, including internalized racism, sexism and all forms of religious and ethnic oppression in our communities and in this country.

An end to the genocide of all the indigenous peoples and their cultures

Restoration of the self-determination of all indigenous people of the world.

  7. We demand an end to discrimination and violent oppression based on actual or perceived sexual orientation/identification, race, religion,identity, sex and gender expression, disability, age, class, AIDS/HIV infection.

An end to anti-Semitism.

An end to sexist oppression.

An end to discrimination against people with disabilities, deaf and hard of hearing people.

An end to discrimination based on sexual orientation in all programs of the Boy Scouts of America.

An end to economic injustice in this country and internationally.

An end to discrimination against prisoners with HIV/AIDS.

An end to discrimination against people with HIV/AIDS, and those perceived as having HIV/AIDS.

An end to consideration of gender dysphoria as a psychiatric disorder.

An end to hate crimes including police brutality, rape and bashing.

An end to censorship.

Which is worse, politics or religion? SURVEY SAYS.....POLITICS!

You Can't Sit With Us

I didn't grow up with religion in my life, so I don't really have strong opinions about that topic, although I do have some beliefs but I keep them mostly to myself.   For people that have opinions that I don't agree with about religion I don't get in their face about them.  I have friends of all faiths...which something just struck me..  Do Atheists have faith?   Im sure they do..  Not faith in God because they don't believe in God.   But Im sure they have faith in something....  See, like I said I don't know a lot about religion.   When I have questions about religion I have one person I turn to to answer those questions and 99.9% of the time he knows the answer to my question.

Politics.... WOW if you really want to get someone worked up start talking about politics.
Some of you may remember an idea I came up with back in 2012 to protest a politician at our San Diego Gay Pride Parade.  Three people and a $50 donation from someone that was then a stranger  to me created a successful campaign that reached tens of thousands of people via social media, bloggers,   word of mouth, The New York Times, even our local newspaper who supported this politician quoted me in their paper regarding the protest.

Even though we had a very successful campaign and that person lost their bid for mayor there was a lot of collateral damage.  To say things got ugly would be an understatement.  There were accusations, threats, fake Twitter and Facebook accounts created by people that didn't like what we were doing used to attack us.   It was a very dark time for me personally.

After that I decided to back away from politics.  This mid term election this same candidate ran for a seat in congress.  It wasn't my district so I couldn't vote for or against him anyway.  Like I told people "Not my circus, not my monkeys"   I did however donate to his opponents campaign a few times in very small increments of $5 each time. But still I held back from saying much about this in public forums.  It was a tight race and there was a lot of tension and ugly campaign tactics from both sides (in my opinion) during this time.

What has greatly saddened me is to see how much our community....and we can call that community the LGBT community, the LGBT Ally community and or the Democratic community (I am registered as no party affiliation) so often turns on themselves.  That last special election we had to replace the mayor we had elected was when I first noticed this.  I didn't like either one of the candidates and didn't want to vote for either one.  I WAS BLASTED from my "own people" for saying I didn't want to vote because I didn't like either candidate.  I was told, "vote for the lesser of two evils"  Well thats what we did the first go around and that is exactly why we needed to have a special election to vote for a new mayor.  Turns out on Election day earlier this year I was in the hospital recovering from surgery the day before  and I wasn't able to vote anyway.  Since then I have become a early voter by mail.

In these last few days after the majority of ballots have been counted ,and the candidate "we" didn't want conceded,  people have been blowing off some steam and posting questions as to where this person should move to, a GoFundMe campaign has been created to purchase a one way ticket for he and his partner. (those funds raised will actually be given to another charity)   But there are some hard core activists that think this is a waste of time, we need to start focusing on 2016.   Hey great, Im glad that there is that much dedication to the process, but DO NOT come to me acting like everyone should have the same exact feelings as you do.   Talking down to people and taking on a condescending attitude will do nothing more than turn people off to the process even more than they already are.  In San Diego we have extremely poor voter turnout, so that fact that people are even talking about politics even if its tongue in cheek is great to me!

I will ALWAYS stand behind what I say, but if you twist my words and try to tell people that I said something completely different than what I did, and try to make me look foolish in the process (YES Ms LP  ONCE AGAIN, Im talking to you)  I will call you out on it!

So like I said these people with condescending attitudes and superiority complexes can miss me with their bullshit.   Because the more I feel scolded the more I back away, and after being in this city for over 20 years I DO have a voice, I have ideas and I have been pretty dang effective in my past efforts.  So keep preaching to the choir and you will soon find yourself singing alone.


PEACE OUT!!

Always Leave On a High Note

I feel the need to further clarify somethings regarding the Turn Your Back on Carl DeMaio during San Diego Pride Parade 2014 "event" this year.

On June 14th via my blog post I completely gave up all rights and concern for the Turn Your Back to DeMaio Facebook page. I handed it over to someone I knew would continue on with the page in the tradition it was crated in.
The "event" this year was solely created by someone I do not know personally and have only recently noticed in our community.

 I have to say I was very disappointed in the organizing and planning of this "event"    Yes I gave up the reigns of this grass roots movement I created in 2012 but there was a major build up to the event, we educated the community on Carl's moves and motivations, we had pre-event press coverage, I also did my research to make sure Carl was even going to be in the parade.  To my knowledge he wasn't even in attendance this year, if he was he was very well hidden.   I'm not a Carl supporter now, but doing something like this just for the sake of doing it is a waste of time and energy.  We made a great impact in 2012 with national news coverage and this year it was a total flop.  The national and international press continues to educate the public about Carl DeMaio,   I appreciate that David Lundin is a watchdog for the community, but I think he has his iron in too many fires.   I can say proudly that we actually achieved something in 2012.   This year this "event" was just embarrassing.  Now with that being said lets move forward  Scott Peters elected in the 52nd district.

"Not" Turning My Back to DeMaio.

Sunday July 22nd 2012 issue of the Union Tribune

After a couple of years successfully battling Carl DeMaio's efforts to become elected to public office beginning with a protest at the 2012 Pride parade and an active Facebook page, I have decided to pass the torch to someone else to carry.

The Facebook Page is being managed by Christina MacNeal.
The Turn Your Back to DeMaio protest event I created for Pride in 2012 is being put on by David Lundin, who is some one I dont know.  I hope he does the event bigger and better than Eric Hufford, Jase Watson, and I did.

My decision to drop back from these events are both personal and professional.
After everything I have personally been through since 2012 I no longer have the fight or anger in me to continue with the ugliness of San Diego politics.  The energy can be better spent by me helping others through my volunteer work for other pro active organizations in town  These days Just watching Scandal  or House of Cards satisfies my needs.

Also I have re entered the job market and although I know I cant completely remove my internet past, I thought this was a good place to start.  Im sure I'll still post my opinions, ideas, and advice on occasion but instead of being the leader, ill be standing to the side watching 2 different people take my idea and grow with it.

Ill feel like a proud Papa Bear.

Stop Minimizing Mental Illness: Worst Things to Say

As you can tell I did not write this blog, but it says exactly how I feel when dealing with people that have no idea about mental health issues. It was written by Natasha Tracy on her Breaking Bipolar Blog

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 I feel, sometimes, that I am at war with the mentally-well world. This isn’t to say that many of them aren’t lovely or that I have a desire to harm anyone, but I do feel embroiled. And it’s mostly because the well population just doesn’t understand what it is to be unwell. They demonstrate this heartily by repeatedly saying the worst things possible to a person with a mental illness.

Some of My Favorite Worst Things to Say to a Person With a Mental Illness

1. Snap out of it
2. There are a lot of people worse off than you
3. You have so many things to be thankful for, how can you be depressed?
4. You’d feel better if you got off all those pills
5. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger
6. Go out and have some fun
7. I know how you feel
8. So you’re depressed, aren’t you always?
9. This too shall pass
10. We all have our crosses to bear

And as a bonus, my personal favorite: We create our own reality.

Ug. (I’m not the only one thinking about this, check out the worst things to say to anxious people.)

Why These are Stupid Things to Say

Any of those statements shows that you have no idea what you’re talking about. You fundamentally do not understand the concept of an illness if you think any one of these are appropriate. I suggest trying it with other disorders and see how you feel:

Hey, diabetic, snap out of it.
Hey, epileptic, I know how you feel.
Hey, paraplegic, so you can’t use your legs, isn’t that always the case?
Hey, person with multiple sclerosis, we create our own reality.

You get the idea. No one would think that is reasonable, and it’s no more reasonable just because you can’t see the illness because it’s in my brain.

These Are Hurtful Things to Say

And perhaps worse than showing ignorance, these things even inflict pain on the person you’re trying to “help”. You are saying that:

1. They could choose not to be sick if they really wanted
2. Their illness is not serious
3. They have no “reason” to be ill
4. Their treatment is wrong
5. They’ll be better off from it
6. They would be fine if they would just “go out”
7. Their illness is minimal
8. Their pain doesn’t matter
9. They should just wait for the pain to end
10. Their illness is just like anyone else’s problem
11. They choose to be sick

Again, I dare you to tell a person with any other illness any of those things.

And lest we forget, the mentally ill person in front of you is already probablyfeeling very bad about themselves, and you have chosen to go and make it worse.

Let’s Not Forget, People Die From Mental Illness

The idea that mental illness is serious isn’t something that I made up, it is a fact. Estimates are 1 in 5 people with bipolar disorder commit suicide and 1 in 2 people (yes, that’s half) attempt it. And of course there are hospitalizations, work absences, destroyed families, having to go on disability, and so on. This is serious stuff people. It is not a runny nose.

Why Do People with Mental Illness Have to Justify Themselves?

Natasha Tracy on  her Breaking Bipolar Blog

Update: Check out the best things to say to someone with a mental illness.

You can find Natasha Tracy on Facebook or GooglePlus or @Natasha_Tracy on Twitter or at the Bipolar Burble, her blog.

To read this blog online click the link below

Stop Minimizing Mental Illness: Worst Things to Say