YOUR REPUTATION IS WHAT PEOPLE THINK YOU ARE; YOUR CHARACTER IS WHAT YOU ARE.
You want your reputation and your character to match, but concentrate on your character. You may be able to fool others about the kind of person you really are for a time, but it seldom lasts for long. The surest way to make sure your character and your reputation are the same is to live your life in such a way that nothing you do would embarrass you if it were printed on the front page of the newspaper. Good character means not ever taking ethical shortcuts, even though everyone else may be doing so. You build good character by doing the right thing because it’s the right thing to do.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Round two
The only thing I can figure out why ny old "BFF" is mad at me AGAIN is that I kept a secret from her to "protect" her, as did two other friends of ours. When the secret came out I was the bad guy.. I wasn't told why she is mad at me this time. So im left to figure it out on my own and that's all I can come up with.
Last week she was mad at me because on Monday I turned down a makeup job she asked me to do and on Tuesday the day my Doctor suggested I go back into the hospital I didn't want to talk with her about it. Either reason in my mind are very selfish reasons to be MAD at someone else. I can understand frustrated and I can understand fed up, but do those things really constitute her then ignoring me and telling me she has nothing to say to me when I ask her why she isn't replying to me? Because I didn't live up to her expectations I am the bad guy? (see last blog post if you are confused)
Because of my depression and being "down" I didn't quite have it in me to do a makeup job, plus I no longer have my own makeup kit, it was stolen a few years ago. I sometimes use a friends makeup kit when I do someones drag makeup but the tools and makeup are not of the "caliber" i need to do makeup for a commercial. You need a certain type of foundation, proper colors, etc etc. Is the commercial video or film because its different for each of those too. A drag queens (a non PRO drag queen) makeup kit would hardly fill the bill for this job. Secondly its not really easy being creative when you are depressed either. I actually found this article on dealing with depression as an artist. Read it here The makeup job was originally scheduled for Friday and I was actually feeling fine on Friday, but there was no way for me to know that. But as I said, without the proper tools the job may not have come out too well. Is that a price your willing to pay for a client?
Yesterday I was having a great time with my friend John. we met up with "C" after she went to the Hole with another friend. Things were going great, but I guess this is where I stop writing about what happened. As I said in my Facebook status last night, I'm not afraid of looking foolish to people because I am going to keep someone elses "secrets" to myself. I don't feel like I have to tell you everything about "C" or what happened yesterday so that you will have the full story just so I am justified. I am very comfortable with my position in this situation. ESPECIALLY based on the "last" reason she was mad at me, and what she said to me after John dropped us off. I can only assume that this one was just as selfish. When I wrote my blog yesterday saying our friendship was over and I have no regrets I should have listened to myself, I should have left it at that.
Sadly most of us put expectations on our friends, we expect them to be sensitive to our feelings, our ups and downs, our mistakes, etc etc. When they don't meet our expectations do we get angry at them? Do we stop talking to them? Ignore them when we see them out? Or do we tell them why we are upset? I guess it would depend on the "severity" of the issue. If my depression is so severe that my friends get "mad" at me well then Ill take the blame. Its just easier that way
Last week she was mad at me because on Monday I turned down a makeup job she asked me to do and on Tuesday the day my Doctor suggested I go back into the hospital I didn't want to talk with her about it. Either reason in my mind are very selfish reasons to be MAD at someone else. I can understand frustrated and I can understand fed up, but do those things really constitute her then ignoring me and telling me she has nothing to say to me when I ask her why she isn't replying to me? Because I didn't live up to her expectations I am the bad guy? (see last blog post if you are confused)
Because of my depression and being "down" I didn't quite have it in me to do a makeup job, plus I no longer have my own makeup kit, it was stolen a few years ago. I sometimes use a friends makeup kit when I do someones drag makeup but the tools and makeup are not of the "caliber" i need to do makeup for a commercial. You need a certain type of foundation, proper colors, etc etc. Is the commercial video or film because its different for each of those too. A drag queens (a non PRO drag queen) makeup kit would hardly fill the bill for this job. Secondly its not really easy being creative when you are depressed either. I actually found this article on dealing with depression as an artist. Read it here The makeup job was originally scheduled for Friday and I was actually feeling fine on Friday, but there was no way for me to know that. But as I said, without the proper tools the job may not have come out too well. Is that a price your willing to pay for a client?
Yesterday I was having a great time with my friend John. we met up with "C" after she went to the Hole with another friend. Things were going great, but I guess this is where I stop writing about what happened. As I said in my Facebook status last night, I'm not afraid of looking foolish to people because I am going to keep someone elses "secrets" to myself. I don't feel like I have to tell you everything about "C" or what happened yesterday so that you will have the full story just so I am justified. I am very comfortable with my position in this situation. ESPECIALLY based on the "last" reason she was mad at me, and what she said to me after John dropped us off. I can only assume that this one was just as selfish. When I wrote my blog yesterday saying our friendship was over and I have no regrets I should have listened to myself, I should have left it at that.
Sadly most of us put expectations on our friends, we expect them to be sensitive to our feelings, our ups and downs, our mistakes, etc etc. When they don't meet our expectations do we get angry at them? Do we stop talking to them? Ignore them when we see them out? Or do we tell them why we are upset? I guess it would depend on the "severity" of the issue. If my depression is so severe that my friends get "mad" at me well then Ill take the blame. Its just easier that way
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Cleaning house with no regrets/always go with your gut instinsts
I dont know if its a certain age you reach or just a certain point in life, where you just make an unconscious decision to no longer deal with other peoples drama and bullshit.
In the past couple of months I have made choices to no longer deal with people after they have exhibited behavior thats either dramatic or irrational, or just simply straight up lying. I instantly wipe them away and I have no regrets about it at all.
Ive recently done this with 2 friends of mine, and I truly have not second guessed my decision or regretted it one bit.
Today I came to the realization that my best friend and I would no longer be best friends. Im not going to write about all of our issues here, because to be quite honest I dont really know what happened she just suddenly stopped communicating with me, at first it hurt my feelings but after she didnt reply to 2 text messages 2 days in a row and ignored me when she walked into Baja Bettys, I finally sent her an email, that said "you wanna tell me why you arent replying to me?" well she replied to the mail and her response was I have nothing to say to you. .. Well thats all I needed to hear.. Dont need the drama thanks. Like I said Im not gonna go on about it here. I dont need to get it all off my chest, I am surprisingly feeling OK about this, I mean I would be lying if I said it didnt bother me a little bit, after all I am up at 3:45 writing a blog post about it. But i think my current anxiety was caused by her blocking me from reading her wall on Facebook last night, So just to make it easier on her I removed her as a friend, but sent her an email telling her why.
Its going to be weird not having a "best friend" anymore but I also feel like there is this huge weight lifted off of me. Its hard to explain with out saying too much about how our relationship was. But i feel a small sense of relief and freedom.
I do know that I have SO many friends that I enjoy spending time with that I have probably neglected because I was always with my "Best Girl" Just this afternoon I hung out with two friends, one of which I have known longer than my old BFF and another friend Ive known almost as long and I thought WOW I've really been missing out on interacting with other people I enjoy, people that dont need constant attention or reassuring that they look good, or crying because some girl looked at them wrong, or any other issues that come up with straight girls... sorry to all my straight girl friends but its true, y'all can be a lot of work.
Yesterday morning my friend Jeffrey reminded me that I need to worry more about me instead of other people, he and I both agree that its a sad way to be and against both of our nature to not worry about other people.. But with all that I have been through in the past 6 months it really is the best way for me to handle things.
TAKE CARE OF #1
Well I guess thats all for now. Gonna see if I can sleep a couple hours before my 7AM client shows up
In the past couple of months I have made choices to no longer deal with people after they have exhibited behavior thats either dramatic or irrational, or just simply straight up lying. I instantly wipe them away and I have no regrets about it at all.
Ive recently done this with 2 friends of mine, and I truly have not second guessed my decision or regretted it one bit.
Today I came to the realization that my best friend and I would no longer be best friends. Im not going to write about all of our issues here, because to be quite honest I dont really know what happened she just suddenly stopped communicating with me, at first it hurt my feelings but after she didnt reply to 2 text messages 2 days in a row and ignored me when she walked into Baja Bettys, I finally sent her an email, that said "you wanna tell me why you arent replying to me?" well she replied to the mail and her response was I have nothing to say to you. .. Well thats all I needed to hear.. Dont need the drama thanks. Like I said Im not gonna go on about it here. I dont need to get it all off my chest, I am surprisingly feeling OK about this, I mean I would be lying if I said it didnt bother me a little bit, after all I am up at 3:45 writing a blog post about it. But i think my current anxiety was caused by her blocking me from reading her wall on Facebook last night, So just to make it easier on her I removed her as a friend, but sent her an email telling her why.
Its going to be weird not having a "best friend" anymore but I also feel like there is this huge weight lifted off of me. Its hard to explain with out saying too much about how our relationship was. But i feel a small sense of relief and freedom.
I do know that I have SO many friends that I enjoy spending time with that I have probably neglected because I was always with my "Best Girl" Just this afternoon I hung out with two friends, one of which I have known longer than my old BFF and another friend Ive known almost as long and I thought WOW I've really been missing out on interacting with other people I enjoy, people that dont need constant attention or reassuring that they look good, or crying because some girl looked at them wrong, or any other issues that come up with straight girls... sorry to all my straight girl friends but its true, y'all can be a lot of work.
Yesterday morning my friend Jeffrey reminded me that I need to worry more about me instead of other people, he and I both agree that its a sad way to be and against both of our nature to not worry about other people.. But with all that I have been through in the past 6 months it really is the best way for me to handle things.
TAKE CARE OF #1
Well I guess thats all for now. Gonna see if I can sleep a couple hours before my 7AM client shows up
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
A test
A TEST This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally.. The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision. Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous. Please scroll down slowly and give due consideration to each line.
THE SITUATION:
You are in Florida , Miami to be specific.. There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding. This is a flood of biblical proportions. You are a photojournalist working for a major newspaper, and you're caught in the middle of this epic disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless.
You're trying to shoot career-making photos There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing under the water. Nature is unleashing all of its destructive fury.
THE TEST:... Suddenly you see a man and a woman in the water. They are fighting for their lives, trying not to be taken down with the debris. You move closer. Somehow they look familiar.. you suddenly realize who they are.
It's Sarah Palin and George W Bush!! At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take them under forever.
You have two options:
You can save their lives or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the deaths of two of the world's most dangerous people
NOW,
Here's the question; and please give an honest answer...
Would you select high contrast color film, or would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white?
THE SITUATION:
You are in Florida , Miami to be specific.. There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding. This is a flood of biblical proportions. You are a photojournalist working for a major newspaper, and you're caught in the middle of this epic disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless.
You're trying to shoot career-making photos There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing under the water. Nature is unleashing all of its destructive fury.
THE TEST:... Suddenly you see a man and a woman in the water. They are fighting for their lives, trying not to be taken down with the debris. You move closer. Somehow they look familiar.. you suddenly realize who they are.
It's Sarah Palin and George W Bush!! At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take them under forever.
You have two options:
You can save their lives or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the deaths of two of the world's most dangerous people
NOW,
Here's the question; and please give an honest answer...
Would you select high contrast color film, or would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white?
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
A quickie - update
Sorry I havent been sharing with you too much lately. Things have been going pretty good and Ive also been busy writing more articles for GLTNewsNow.com so Ive been ignoring my blog a bit.
I just read on Facebook that a friend, James was inspired by my blog to start writing his own. Im glad I can inspire anyone to do anything, but this was particularly impressive to me because James is SUPER intelligent and what he has written about is really intellectually and emotionally stimulating.. YAY ME! *Patting myself on the back for inspiring greatness* TOOT TOOT TOOT MY OWN HORN!!!
Theres something else i am very proud of.. Last week at Urban Mo's I ran into the last guy I dated, as you may remember theres been lots of drama there for one reason or another. But thats all in the past now because when I saw him I just gave him a hug and chatted about pink boas and pink beads and blah blah blah and that was it.. Well I ran into him again a few minutes later and not even sure if we talked or not but it was all completely effortless. it was like a huge weight off my shoulders. Im really proud of how far I have come, it hasnt been an easy road and there have been bumps and turns along the way. But Im happy to say thats all behind us now, and I know it has to be a huge relief for him as well. YAY ME!
In my last blog I wrote about a new friend, John. Well Im happy to say John and I have been hangin out a lot lately. Ive introduced him to my other friends and he and Cheri get along great. John is really good to me and he "takes care of me" Im tryin to introduce him to different things around town to do, like Game night at The LGBT Center, I''m taking him to a house party next Friday, etc etc. We have meaningful talks about life, boys, family, and more. We also get really silly and dance and prance around Urban Mo's, Baja Betty's and whereever else they will put up with us. Just one word of advice.. Dont play Trivial Pursuit with him cuz he yells out the answer no matter whose turn it is.
Speaking of prancing around Urban Mo's, for a couple different Sundays Ive hung out a little bit with some of the Armada Rugby boys. They are a BLAST.. Sadly I had a preconceived idea about these guys based on some bad experiences with one of the players, The guys Ive been hanging out with dont really hang out with him though so its all good.. So now Im a Rugby Player groupie!! Their season is over now but I cant wait for it to start up again!
Im still working on all that "government aid" stuff, the State of California just sent me a big ol stack of paperwork I gotta fill out this week.. So this week that is my goal.. Git er dun!
I just read on Facebook that a friend, James was inspired by my blog to start writing his own. Im glad I can inspire anyone to do anything, but this was particularly impressive to me because James is SUPER intelligent and what he has written about is really intellectually and emotionally stimulating.. YAY ME! *Patting myself on the back for inspiring greatness* TOOT TOOT TOOT MY OWN HORN!!!
Theres something else i am very proud of.. Last week at Urban Mo's I ran into the last guy I dated, as you may remember theres been lots of drama there for one reason or another. But thats all in the past now because when I saw him I just gave him a hug and chatted about pink boas and pink beads and blah blah blah and that was it.. Well I ran into him again a few minutes later and not even sure if we talked or not but it was all completely effortless. it was like a huge weight off my shoulders. Im really proud of how far I have come, it hasnt been an easy road and there have been bumps and turns along the way. But Im happy to say thats all behind us now, and I know it has to be a huge relief for him as well. YAY ME!
In my last blog I wrote about a new friend, John. Well Im happy to say John and I have been hangin out a lot lately. Ive introduced him to my other friends and he and Cheri get along great. John is really good to me and he "takes care of me" Im tryin to introduce him to different things around town to do, like Game night at The LGBT Center, I''m taking him to a house party next Friday, etc etc. We have meaningful talks about life, boys, family, and more. We also get really silly and dance and prance around Urban Mo's, Baja Betty's and whereever else they will put up with us. Just one word of advice.. Dont play Trivial Pursuit with him cuz he yells out the answer no matter whose turn it is.
Speaking of prancing around Urban Mo's, for a couple different Sundays Ive hung out a little bit with some of the Armada Rugby boys. They are a BLAST.. Sadly I had a preconceived idea about these guys based on some bad experiences with one of the players, The guys Ive been hanging out with dont really hang out with him though so its all good.. So now Im a Rugby Player groupie!! Their season is over now but I cant wait for it to start up again!
Im still working on all that "government aid" stuff, the State of California just sent me a big ol stack of paperwork I gotta fill out this week.. So this week that is my goal.. Git er dun!
Monday, April 5, 2010
Oh what a weekend!
After being at my Moms most of the week I was certainly ready to get out of the house so Friday afternoon Cheri, Sister Iona and I headed to St Patrick's Church for Stations of the Cross service (Im not Catholic, I just went along for the ride) THEN the fun part we headed over to Baja Bettys for one drink, well as usual that turned into a few drinks, and a few more friends joining us. I guess some of us got bored there because next thing I knew we were heading to Pecs. Oh I think I forgot to mention I was wearing my rabbit ears the whole time..well except for church, anyway there was a table of guys at Pecs that kept hootin and hollerin at me to come over and there was one cute guy so I obliged.. anyway we soon left Pecs and got some pizza, it was good but it was too bad I drank too much that I threw it all up..
Oh well, at least I wasnt hungover on Saturday. The day started out innocent enough Cheri and I picked up Nicole for Breakfast at Urban Mo's we ran into a few "old school" people we knew like Gene Burkhart (founder of International male) Chris Shaw (owner of Mo's, Bettys, and Gossip Grill) then we walked around Hillcrest for awhile for some shopping for Easter stuff and Cheri's costume for Lets Make a Deal, Nicole got tired so we dropped her off and continued on with our shopping. As usual i was on the phone checkin out Facebook and I saw David Cope the HOT bartender at Urban Mos was working so I talked Cheri into ONE drink at Mo's.. That was about 4pm..We were doin fine until the first shot, then Chris the owner came by and bought us a round of drinks.. Well as Cheri said we should have known our evening was goin down hill when I was taking pictures with Armada Rugby players bare butts at the bar.. SORRY DORA!! Cheri decided it was time to go. BUT my Twitter friend John showed up and weve been tryin to hang out forever.. So who was I to turn down the 5-10 drinks he offered to buy me, after all I had made plans to meet up with another Twitter friend Jasun later that night at Mos so what a perfect opportunity for me to hang out with John AND Jasun. DAMN this is a long story.. John is a SUPER sweet guy, cute and sexy as hell.. If I were 10 years younger and 20 pounds thinner I would be ALL OVER THAT!! But seriously hes a really nice guy, very caring and concerned when Im feeling down and that boy can DRINK all day and night and go to work the next day no problem.. man hes like my hero!
Jasun had a group of friends he was hangin out with so he was back and forth between them and John and I.. Sadly my phone battery died so i had to keep using Jasun's phone to "converse" with him (Jasun is Deaf) I have to admit Ive always had a little crush on Jasun and he is a lot cuter in person than in his pictures online.. Woof!! or actually i should say MEOW (inside joke) Mos was bumpin that night and some more friends were there.. Kelly, Jarrod and Daddy John!! I havent seen Daddy John for awhile so that was nice. Chris C and his new man another FB friend Rick G. were there too!! After lots more drinks and lots of pictures Jasun wanted to go to Fiesta Cantina, well there was a line there so we just decided to call it a night.. It was about 12AM (yes i did say I started at 4pm) I had to get up early for Lets Make a Deal anyway. Jasun and I decided to walk for a little bit before we went home. he was staying right by The Center so it wasnt too far of a walk and I was cabbing it. BUT ooops on the walk I got a little sick.. oh man, i dont think Jasun saw me pukin in the bushes.. I sure hope not.
Sunday morning came quick.. We had to be on the road for Lets Make a Deal by 9am I still hadnt gotten my costume out and ready.. I wasnt sleeping very well because kitten snores loud.. I got up showered etc. right before it was time to go I had to run to the bathroom because I was gonna be sick. Well needless to say Cheri had to pull over a few times on our way to LA so I could puke.. OMG how was I gonna get through this day? Well we got to LA pretty quick just to wait around in line for a few hours.. I had a great costume, and when we finally got in the studio they sat us down in a PRIME location to get picked.. Well about ONE MINUTE before the show started they moved us more towards the back.. Well wouldnt ya fuckin know it the guy that they moved to my seat was one of the first to get picked and was the BIG winner of the day.. I swear if I didnt have bad luck I would have no luck at all. Im never gonna waste my time going to another game show taping again.. I think the only show I would waste my time with is Ellen, but thats nearly impossible to get tickets for.
Oh yeah the earthquake, Ive lived in So Cal my entire life, ive felt many earthquakes so no big deal to me.. I didnt even feel this one but you could see all the lights and signs in the studio movin back and forth for a few minutes. I thought Heidi was gonna pass out.. Well we got out of there and got somethin to eat, the first thing I had eaten all day was potato cheese soup. Well we got home a few minutes after 9PM so that was a 12 hour day, we did have some fun, but like I said Ill never do it again.. what a waste of time. I watched Celebrity Apprentice then went to bed. I guess we were havin aftershocks still cuz the cat wouldnt leave my side all night.. He was a little freaked out. Well I guess thats it.. Theres a lot of GOOD stuff I left out here but some things I just gotta keep to myself.
BUT heres the BIG SMILE that someone put on my face... :-D
Ahhh what a fun weekend!!
Oh well, at least I wasnt hungover on Saturday. The day started out innocent enough Cheri and I picked up Nicole for Breakfast at Urban Mo's we ran into a few "old school" people we knew like Gene Burkhart (founder of International male) Chris Shaw (owner of Mo's, Bettys, and Gossip Grill) then we walked around Hillcrest for awhile for some shopping for Easter stuff and Cheri's costume for Lets Make a Deal, Nicole got tired so we dropped her off and continued on with our shopping. As usual i was on the phone checkin out Facebook and I saw David Cope the HOT bartender at Urban Mos was working so I talked Cheri into ONE drink at Mo's.. That was about 4pm..We were doin fine until the first shot, then Chris the owner came by and bought us a round of drinks.. Well as Cheri said we should have known our evening was goin down hill when I was taking pictures with Armada Rugby players bare butts at the bar.. SORRY DORA!! Cheri decided it was time to go. BUT my Twitter friend John showed up and weve been tryin to hang out forever.. So who was I to turn down the 5-10 drinks he offered to buy me, after all I had made plans to meet up with another Twitter friend Jasun later that night at Mos so what a perfect opportunity for me to hang out with John AND Jasun. DAMN this is a long story.. John is a SUPER sweet guy, cute and sexy as hell.. If I were 10 years younger and 20 pounds thinner I would be ALL OVER THAT!! But seriously hes a really nice guy, very caring and concerned when Im feeling down and that boy can DRINK all day and night and go to work the next day no problem.. man hes like my hero!
Jasun had a group of friends he was hangin out with so he was back and forth between them and John and I.. Sadly my phone battery died so i had to keep using Jasun's phone to "converse" with him (Jasun is Deaf) I have to admit Ive always had a little crush on Jasun and he is a lot cuter in person than in his pictures online.. Woof!! or actually i should say MEOW (inside joke) Mos was bumpin that night and some more friends were there.. Kelly, Jarrod and Daddy John!! I havent seen Daddy John for awhile so that was nice. Chris C and his new man another FB friend Rick G. were there too!! After lots more drinks and lots of pictures Jasun wanted to go to Fiesta Cantina, well there was a line there so we just decided to call it a night.. It was about 12AM (yes i did say I started at 4pm) I had to get up early for Lets Make a Deal anyway. Jasun and I decided to walk for a little bit before we went home. he was staying right by The Center so it wasnt too far of a walk and I was cabbing it. BUT ooops on the walk I got a little sick.. oh man, i dont think Jasun saw me pukin in the bushes.. I sure hope not.
Sunday morning came quick.. We had to be on the road for Lets Make a Deal by 9am I still hadnt gotten my costume out and ready.. I wasnt sleeping very well because kitten snores loud.. I got up showered etc. right before it was time to go I had to run to the bathroom because I was gonna be sick. Well needless to say Cheri had to pull over a few times on our way to LA so I could puke.. OMG how was I gonna get through this day? Well we got to LA pretty quick just to wait around in line for a few hours.. I had a great costume, and when we finally got in the studio they sat us down in a PRIME location to get picked.. Well about ONE MINUTE before the show started they moved us more towards the back.. Well wouldnt ya fuckin know it the guy that they moved to my seat was one of the first to get picked and was the BIG winner of the day.. I swear if I didnt have bad luck I would have no luck at all. Im never gonna waste my time going to another game show taping again.. I think the only show I would waste my time with is Ellen, but thats nearly impossible to get tickets for.
Oh yeah the earthquake, Ive lived in So Cal my entire life, ive felt many earthquakes so no big deal to me.. I didnt even feel this one but you could see all the lights and signs in the studio movin back and forth for a few minutes. I thought Heidi was gonna pass out.. Well we got out of there and got somethin to eat, the first thing I had eaten all day was potato cheese soup. Well we got home a few minutes after 9PM so that was a 12 hour day, we did have some fun, but like I said Ill never do it again.. what a waste of time. I watched Celebrity Apprentice then went to bed. I guess we were havin aftershocks still cuz the cat wouldnt leave my side all night.. He was a little freaked out. Well I guess thats it.. Theres a lot of GOOD stuff I left out here but some things I just gotta keep to myself.
BUT heres the BIG SMILE that someone put on my face... :-D
Ahhh what a fun weekend!!
Friday, April 2, 2010
Anxiously dreaming
I had a weird dream last night. It was gay pride, and I was there all alone. I kept running into friends and ex's that are now dating other people, it seemed like I was the only person at Pride all by myself. Kirk was in my dream and he was now dating someone that I used to like so that made me upset. Cory was in the dream but I never saw the guy he was dating in my dream. I was so upset I ran to my friend Steve C. to discuss it. In my dream Steve was letting me work for him in his nursery, in real life he owns a postal shipping place... Dreams can be so weird. I just remember being so upset and having a major anxiety attack in my dream. Steve of course calmed me and helped me through it AGAIN.
I woke up feeling anxious and didnt want to leave my Moms house, I really think Im still trying to find the right balance of medication. I had a couple cups of coffee and just barreled through the anxiety this morning before it got very bad.
Thats all for now
I woke up feeling anxious and didnt want to leave my Moms house, I really think Im still trying to find the right balance of medication. I had a couple cups of coffee and just barreled through the anxiety this morning before it got very bad.
Thats all for now
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